"I remain the king" Billy x Steve (stranger things)

Ch 30

Steve POV
Looking out over Hawkins, the night was dawning on me. It was beautiful but that's not why I was here. I took a deep breath my eyes closing as I stood on top of the hill. Staring down at the high ground and looking over everything. Sometimes it was a shame to see beauty of things before a dark moment...other times it was...I forgot the word. I laughed lightly at myself and stared down at the ground. I wasn't crying...I wasn't angry. I wasn't happy. I was thinking..overthinking but it's the same thing sometimes.

Before anyone thinks anything I'm not referring to suicide when I talk about leaving..I plan on driving away. Running away from the place I know. The only place I've known. Running away seemed to be the only option now. There's nothing left for me in Hawkins..nothing at all. I know what I'm doing... this is the right decision for me. I know that now. Everything was falling into place perfectly. I know what I have to do. I have to leave and if I die on the way that's just a plus, a way out of this.

Fuck, I just wanted to see the town one last time before I left. I didn't come up here to relish in old memories I just came up here to see everything I was leaving behind. I shook my head as I smiled but it was fake. Everything with me has been fake lately.

I didn't even know who I was nowadays, it was all scrambled together. A terrible mess that he created. Of course I don't blame him for breaking up with me. I'm not the easiest person to deal with. I know that. But I hate him for what happened. I hate myself for feeling like I ever meant something to him. I hate myself for letting myself get vulnerable with him. I hate myself for everything that happened in the time we were together. I didn't deserve him. I know he thought he didn't but I know he did.

I wanted to scream at him and curse him out, punch and kick him. But none of that would give him what he deserved. He didn't deserve a reaction out of me. I know that, that's why I'm ignoring him. Not talking to him and avoiding all contact. He shouldn't know what kind of reaction he can get out of me. It might just give him even more enjoyment to know how he makes me feel.

He used to make me feel so special, like I was the only thing that ever mattered in this fucked up town. He made me so happy, and I never wanted to see him hurt at all. I used to need him. I wanted to see him succeed and lift him up when he failed but I can't do that. He broke me. Not when he broke up with me but when he was with that girl and it was so obvious that he wanted to fuck her. That's what broke me. Or when he treated me like shit and told me I didn't mean anything to him. He hurt me so bad and now I had all nothing at all.

But that's okay, cause when I leave I'm going to start over. I'm going to get out of this shit whole and into a new place.

I nodded my head and looked down once again, at the place I called a home for so long but it didn't feel the same. It all looked so different and I couldn't see why I ever thought it was beautiful. I turned around but not before stealing a quick glance at the mall again. As it lit up in beautiful lights but they seemed dull now. I went back and I started walking to my car.

"Steve! Wait please!"