Formula One Imagines

Fashun Show - Lewis Hamilton-Larbalestier

Lewis POV

It was a cold summers evening, I was BOILING. It's the summer break and I hate my team because I keep coming second. Idiot team I hate them it's nothing to do with me. The driver.

I really wanted to have a nice meal tonight. Christina - Aguillera - from my best selling single - number 1 in Bolivia- offered me some yoghurt.
I don't eat yoghurt I'm vegan.

I put roscoe in a tuxedo I bought from the Italian fashion designer franz tost.
We were going to the Monaco fashion show.

"No Penelope do not kick the dog!!!!" I heard my arch nemesis Max Verstappen scream at his old girlfriends small child. Just a dumb adult in a toddlers body really. Cause she has no tits. Ugly beaknose with a boy body sket. I think it's funny max is with her. It basically makes him a gay. Lol. Hashtag gay lives matter. Pride.
I'm pansexual and polyamorous.

Penelope kicked roscoe so I threw ""Penelope"" into the sea.

Jason momoa saved her.

Roscoe and I went to sexy tacos for a snack before the big catwalk. The food. Not birds. But ALL lives matter EVEN dogs and the fact it's called at 'CATwalk' is very discriminatory.

I went straight to the queen of England, buying her a sexy taco because he is a sexy taco.

"Sorry Sir lewis. The queen cannot see you as she is mourning the loss of Phillip. He ate a tangfastic and died."

"I knew it. She iz a racist you get me yeah?"

I turned up to the fashun show to walk the all animals lives matter walk, paps were everywhere. GOD I'm just a NORMAL GUY can't I GET A BREAK?????????

"Hey Lewis ! Who are you wearing tonight?" A dumb reporter asked me. It was Martin brindle. Martin brundles brother.

"Are you DUMB????? I'm in my OWN SKIN HOW CAN I WEAR ANOTHER PERSON?????? For gods sake speak up I can't hear you" I say pulling my earlobe off.

I quickly spoke to my fans via a microphone but they all booed me. It just motivates me to model even more.

Suddenly Max was on top of me. It was hot. It was swetty. It was wet. I was close.
I felt the weight of him on top of me. Pinning me down... I was completely lost in the moment. He had total control of my body. I could hardly catch my breath.
I closed my eyes and began to moan louder and louder as I felt the end approaching.

"Turn the car off Lewis" bono from u2 said.

It was Monza.

"YOU IDIOT HOW DARE YOU DRIVE UNDER ME YOU FREAK" max screamed in my mouth. I'm not sure how he got in there through my helmet though. Helmet marko. Yum.

I was so angry.

I now had an irrational fear of tangfaatics due to Big Phil swelling one and perishing almost instantly.
But at least it's not an onion.

"GET YOUR ONION TANGFAsTICS" said a freaky woman.

"What's your name you freak" I asked.

"Y/n".  The ugly girl said. She made me feel sick. So I kissed her.

"Please marry me Y/n" I asked

"Okay chewwy lewwy"

"But you better get rid of that fucking stick or I'll run you over with my car and I don't make empty threats. Apart from the ones I mean to be empty. But this isn't one. I'll throw a microwave at your head."

Y/n sat in the oven for fun.

"Can't wait to cook my oven pizza" Lewis said to himself.

Bang.

What was that?

Gunshots in the ghetto?
No, it was my oven pizza.

"Let me out Lewis!" Says some ugly sket in my oven.

I take the fat girl out of the oven and grab the pizza. It's had her dirty clunge sitting on it so I feed it to roscoe...

I marry the sket because Christina aguillera told me if I like it I should've put a ring on it

I heard a rumour she sings a song with those lyrics.

It was my wedding day. I was so excited that I punched a window and accidentally fell through it. I landed into Geri Horner (1/5 of the iconic pop girl group, no not little mix, the spice girls)

"WHAT THE FUCK LEWIS GET OFF MY LADY" Christina Horner said. He transitioned last night.

"Christina it isn't what it looks like !" Geri said.

Suddenly Christina pulled out a big fat machine gun.

"Knock knock look at my glock" he screamed before shooting everyone.

Luckily being vegan saved me. I haven't eaten animals in years and knew it would come in handy.

I cried over dead Geri and me and Christina went to Sopping Yoghurts for dinner.

"I love you" Christina said.

"No offence or anyFink yeh Blud but I don't like boyz do u get me. Don't eva aks me again to come here or I will chef u yeh." I said as I remembered my vhavvy routes.

I suddenly remembered I was getting married. But my wedding was boring as I didn't want to marry a sket so I killed her. Sorry Y/n but this chapter is about ME not you.

I also killed Jos Verstappen because he deserved it but now I'm fired from F1 so I have to start in karts again.

I won against the 6 year old jemima and she cried to her dad.

Everyone's been slagging me off in the press because I'm a 37 year old formula 1 world champion and now I'm making kids cry. But you know what. Fuck the kids. They are gonna fuck up our future and I bet they all wanted max to win. Cunts.

I woke up and I was in prison. Oh no. I dropped the soap.

I see tangfastics. Maybe this will kill me like it killed Phil.

They wasn't tangfastics. I overdosed on LSD LOL.