BAU: Behind Closed Doors

3. The Boogeyman

Pairings: J.J./Spencer (F/M) one smack

Hotch/Emily (M/F) hand, 3x

Rossi/Reid (M/M) hairbrush, hand

*In collaboration with Elenalovly

[Loosely based on the television show Criminal Minds Season 2, Episode 6: The Boogeyman. Also, the quotes are from slightly different episodes to go along with the fanfic.]

Gideon: Mark Twain wrote "Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it."

Mansion of Senior Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi

Near Quantico, Virginia

"This place is absolutely beautiful," J.J. gasped as she looked around the open kitchen.

Derek agreed, "There's more fancy artwork in here than a museum. Damn, look at this furniture!"

Reid went up to a well-lit painting and reported that it was from the Italian Renaissance, probably 15th century.

Rossi grinned, "If you all behave, I'll show you the wine cellar later and give you all a free sample. We are actually going to be cooking with some vino. My late grandmother always said, 'If you no drink the wine, you no cook with the wine.'" He poured everyone a glass and started to do a small toasts to the assembled guests.

Emily nudged Reid and said, "Quit being a show off, that is a 16th century piece, you know I've actually lived in Italy. I had a boyfriend who worked at the Uffizi," Emily scolded.

"I bet you had a boyfriend in every square of Italy, Em," Spencer retorted.

Emily looked at him from the side, "Are you implying I am a slut?"

Spencer guffawed, "I'm not just implying..."

Emily huffed and elbowed him hard in the ribs. Spencer grunted and spilled half of his 2005 Château Lafleur Pomerol on the tile floor. Hotch walked over casually and growled, "That's a $2000 bottle of wine. You should probably try sipping it, instead of spilling it."

Emily blushed, "Sorry, sir. He called me a slut!"

Spencer exclaimed, "Hotch, I didn't. I mean, I was just joking. I would never..."

Hotch glared at his two agents. "Could one of you get a paper towel and clean this up, please? You best settle down before Dave warms up your behind hotter than the Bucatini all Amatriciana that we are making for dinner!"

"I really don't do spicy food. Can he use less red pepper flakes in my pasta?" Spencer whined.

"I'll get the paper towel and I'll behave. I don't need Rossi lighting up my bare butt anytime soon!" Emily quipped, as she excused herself.

"Reid, are you paying attention?" Aaron asked sternly.

"Yes, Hotch...But it was Emily who elbowed me!" Reid tried.

Hotch said, "Consider this your only warning, young man."

Rossi caught Aaron's eye and grinned. He raised his huge wooden spatula and called out, "I hope you all like risotto. These spatulas are perfect for them. I get them when I visit Italy...Isn't that right, Aaron?"

"Ah, yes, Dave. The risotto sounds delicious. Hope you are adding the mushrooms," Aaron responded, trying to play it off. His cheeks grew hot and J.J. gave him and then Dave a strange look. She knew, he thought. J.J. should become a profiler.