Just Passing Bi

|| How I Knew ||

I live in a heteronormative household. I didn't even know the word gay until 3rd grade. I was at a party when some 5th graders were insulting each other and calling each other gay and lesbian. I asked what those meant, and one of them said "gay is when a boy likes a boy and lesbian is when a girl likes a girl". I just looked at her dead in the eye and said "oh. that's weird." No, I wasn't being homophobic. I was SEVEN and had never heard of that before.

Time skip to 5th grade:

I had changed elementary schools due to the kids in my neighborhood being rezoned. At my new school, a lot of us used Google Hangouts more often, and one day, we were talking about politics. Yes, politics. I don't know or remember why, but we were. This was around the time that Trump was running for president, so he came up. One girl brought up the LGBTQ community and was talking about how he doesn't support it, and then she suddenly told us that she was part of the community. I had never met someone who was part of the community before, so I was curious. I asked her, "oh cool what are you?" and she said she was bi or pan. 

Ok...this is the slightly embarrassing part:

Right before that girl came out to us, I had a dream. NO NOT A SUS DREAM. But it was strange. One girl I stopped being friends with, due to her toxicity, was in that dream. Basically, what happened in the dream was that I was in my room. Suddenly, she was in my room. She grabbed a marker and some paper and wrote "I'm gay" on it, and then showed me. I don't remember what else happened in the dream, but it was not sus, I swear on Glorybringer.

Time skip to 6th grade:

So... middle school. Middle school was probably the biggest part of discovering myself, but it was also one of the biggest sources of my pain. (So was first grade because my teacher hated me but that's beside the point). There was a girl. In one of my classes. She was nice enough, decently pretty, normal. Things were chill. We got along, but we weren't exactly friends because we barely knew each other. One day, BAM. Suddenly, I was super flustered around her, and I got butterflies. I didn't know why. [Edit: She is now dating someone; 8/30: she wasn't actually dating her] But then I knew: I'm bisexual. Eventually the feelings faded, and I started liking my best friend. She was obviously straight - not a gay cell in her body. And besides, she was too obsessed with this one guy.

Time skip to 6th grade - May

School was ending soon, and I was so stressed about being in the closet. I'm not an ultra-religious person, but one night, I prayed. I prayed that someone I knew would come out, so I would have the courage to talk to my parents. And guess what? One of my best friends came out. He (she at the time) came back to school from virtual learning, and he looked so different. His long hair was cut short, and I thought it looked pretty damn cool. We were signing yearbooks (I had made my own, because I wasn't even in the official yearbook-) and I asked him to sign it. He signed it with a different name that what I knew him by. I asked him about it. "Is this a nickname or something?" "No." "Did you change your name?" "Well... sort of." Then he opened a google doc and typed, "I'm transgender." The realization hit me like a brick. "Ohhhhhh. Well, thanks for telling me." During lunch, we sat and talked about it. I came out to him as bi, and told him that he was the first and only person that I had told. He just said, "Cool. I'm honored." And then the next day, I told my parents.

I was in my room, writing in my journal. My mom came in and sat down on my bed. I took a deep breath. "Mom, I can tell you anything, right?" She looked at me worriedly. "Of course! Is something wrong?" "Well... I'm bisexual." She went quiet. "A-are you mad at me?" "Why do you think this?  Have your friends been talking about this?" "No! I just... I just know." She shook her head, "No, you're just confused. God made you a girl for a reason." Um, ok? I never said anything about that... "How can two men make a baby? How can two women make a baby? They can't!" She went on like this for some time, and asked me "Did you tell anyone?" "Yes. I told my friend R. She, I mean he, came out to me as trans." She sighed, "I feel bad for her. She should have the opportunity to  talk to her parents." After more discussion, I yielded. "You're right, I'm just confused. I'm sorry." "Well, thank you for telling me." And then she left. And I cried. Cried myself to sleep. The next morning, I asked her. "Did you tell Daddy?" "Yes, I had to." "Is he mad?" "No..." 
And then he came to the kitchen, and they told me that they didn't expect to have this talk with me until I was about 18 or so. I went to school and told R that I'm straight, and that I was just confused. He looked at me, with... disappointment? Pity? "Oh... ok." 

Time skip to summer

I was talking to one of my friends on Roblox, LMS. It was about midnight, and the topic of one of our mutual friends, V, came up. V had liked him in the past, and out of the blue, she told me that she didn't like him anymore, but she never told me why. I told LMS. "You know, V WAS the one who liked you." "Oh god really??" "Yeah, what's wrong?" "Well, I'm gay." "Ohhhh. So that's why she doesn't like you anymore." "Oh geez I must've broken her heart." We talked for some time, and I found that V was bi (she was actually pan) and then we said our good nights "bye bestie <3". A few days later, I accidentally let it slip that LMS was gay. My parents checked my Roblox account and took it away for other reasons. I'm still trying to get in touch with LMS but he has a freaking Android (4.10.22: got his number and texted him but he never responded) (6.24.22: he responded a few days ago yayyy; 8.30.22: HE DISAPPEARED AGAIN also he's no now lol)

Time skip to 7th grade  (im sorry im doing a ton of time skips)

My whole lunch table turned out to be gay af. L came out first, as demiboy and questioning his sexuality. He confirmed to be cis and pan. I don't remember the order of coming out after him, so it's out of order. R came out to us next (but I already knew!) as trans FTM. OC as bi, and a furry. A as non-binary and aro. OO as biromantic, later bisexual. K as queer. J as bi (she left the table), me as bi, and E as gay! Oh yeah, and the straight kids. So we're very diverse and very gay. 7th grade has probably been my biggest stepping stone to figuring out who I am.

Welp now you know what grade I'm in. Let me know if you want me to continue gay stuff at school, because I'd be glad to :D