Dear Jennie (JenLisa Short Stories) [On Going]

04. Hate

I'm Lalisa Manoban, one of the most popular artists in South Korea, dance and sing has always been my dream and my passion since I was a toddler.

I'm usually easy going, I love my fans, I enjoy to collaborate with other artists, my company let me explore different rhythms and write my own songs.

Competition is fierce in the entertainment industry, I usually don't care about it, I just enjoy what I do and I'm sure I always do my best every single time I perform but there's something I don't like, there's no one I hate the most in this damn industry than Jennie Ruby Jane Kim, she is a solo artist from MBC that has been trying to compete with me since we debuted, I'm a solo artist as well and they always compare our styles, just because we can dance, rap, sing, yet we don't look alike, I'm tall, she is a damn jelly bean, she is brunette, fair white skin, and hardly change her hairstyles, I have to recognise that she has a great fashion sense, but I'm always looking for new colours, hair cuts and my skin is tanned, she is Korean and I'm from Thailand.

We used to training together, she took the chance with other company, just like me, YGE didn't take us seriously and made us wait, funny how she works in my family's company Manoban-Brüschweiler Corp. and I work under her family's company Kim International Entertainment or KIE, how that happened?, I'm not even sure but we never got along after we left YG and now even less.

I hate her!

I hate her songs!, specially the ones about love.

I hate her vlog on YouTube!

I hate her mandu cheeks!

I hate how she makes fun of me and calls me monkey!

I hate she gets along with my friends!

I hate her cat eyes!

I hate how proud my parents are to have her on their company!

I hate how much I love her, yes I love her, I fell for her since we were trainees, one sided love that I can't believe I still feel for her, I hate I can't forget about her, how nice she was with me, how we took different paths, how we became strangers after we got apart.

How foolish of me think she would still talk to me the way we used to, maybe I don't hate her, maybe I hate the fact that I never had the courage to tell her how much she meant to me, I was 18 years old, she was 19, just one year gap.

I let her go, I never had the guts to tell her about my feelings, she started to date some guys and I got so jealous every time I saw her holding hands, even just in Dispatch or any other tabloid.

Now I'm 25, still feeling the same way, thinking about what I should have told her before she left, I remember how she cried, but in order to achieve her dreams she had to go, we never talked again, not after she left that night, not even saying bye.

Sometimes we are in the same events, ceremonies, awards, parties, yet she doesn't even look at me, if I'm honest it breaks my heart, I tried to talk to her once, I was happy, she had her debut, I had mine, her song was number 1 for weeks, I wanted to hug her, tell her how proud I was, she didn't care, she didn't even stop to look at me, we were the scandalous topic for weeks, Kim vs Manoban, bad blood between them?, They had pictures of how she rejected me, it was a sequence, it was clear she was even scowling when I got closer.

So here I am, as pathetic as always about to perform in this huge Music Awards Ceremony and trembling because it's supposed she is the one that will present my song, I'm waiting backstage, my dancers are ready and we waited, and waited, we just see people running from one place to other, my manager is trying to figure out what's going on? The song is about to start and no one will introduce me, "Lisa, you will perform live, your track got lost", I just looked around trying to process things, "That's not a problem, we have the music right?", He looks at me trembling "No, it got lost as well", I just frowned "How the hell that happens?, just don't worry, I always carry a copy", I called my assistant and she ran backstage with the music, once everything is settled I just wait for my cue.