Dreaming of Tobias

Chapter 1- The Dream

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My eyes are sore, yet I don't know if I've been crying or not. I sit on the end of my bed, spending my days grieving. What's the point of living now? She's gone. There's no way to bring her back. Even a few more words with her would bring me the most joy I've ever felt. One more kiss would mean more than the world. But I need to convince myself it's not going to happen. 

My legs ache from not doing anything, just sitting and letting my mind spin through a whirl tunnel of thoughts, a never ending hole which I won't be getting out of anytime soon. I need to get back home. I can't stay here, it's too much to take in, I need to be in peace.

I'm half way there, halfway to the fence, when it hits me like a brick falling from the sky. 

Her ashes. 

Some parts of me want to scream or maybe even cry. But what kind of person would I be to leave them there. Having ran quite far already I'm pretty out of breath, but if I don't turn back I'll never forgive myself. Now I have something to run for I go a lot faster. By time I'm back it's getting dark, and the sky is a dark orange, fading. Fading into darkness like the world is for me.

I'm jogging down the corridors now, mostly out of breath. I reach for the door handle but someone else is opening it at the same time. It just opens enough for me to see who was in my room. Caleb.

Words spill out of my mouth in anger,"What the hell are you doing in my room!"

His eyes go wide with fear as I look down on him."I just wanted to see her ashes."

"How dare you! You think after what you did, you deserve to come in here! You are nothing but selfish. Now get out while you can walk."

"Tob-"

"Just leave." I turn my head away. I can't even look at him. Anger swells up inside of me and my breath gets heavier.

"I'm sorry ok. Honestly I wish that-" I don't let him finish. My hands are already pinning him to the wall. People start rushing in but none of them can stop me. I think he's crying too but I can't see through my own tears. My head is spinning and I start to feel dizzy. I let go of him because I can't hold on, but I feel a small prick in my neck. Someone has injected me.

*

I wake up in a white lab. I'm lying down on a bed and my shoes are gone. My head is pounding and I want to close my eyes but there's a bright light shining in my face. Where am I?

Then I hear a familiar voice. It's a cold voice of a woman.

"Hello Tobias." She says.

"Where am I? What am I doing here?" I say through my cracked voice.

"You are in the erudite headquarters."

"What do you mean? The light is pushed up and the bed moves so I am now sitting back. 

And there she is. Jeanine Mathews. I try to move but my arms are strapped to the chair. My wrists go numb from trying to get out. I will not go through this again. 

But wait. If I am here, and Jeanine is alive, that must mean Tris is alive too. Surely.

I almost say it too quickly," where's Tris?"

"What do you mean?" She says," Tris was injected with the death serum yesterday you fool."

"But if you're alive then she must be too!" 

"What an odd thing to say. Anyway enough of that. Caleb?"

Caleb comes through the door. If I wasn't bound down he would probably be suffocating from my hands around his neck.

"You killed her! You killed her! Your sister! Your own sister!"I scream. He ignores me and hands Jeanine a small box. 

"What is that?" I say.

"I thought Peter had told you already?" She frowns at something behind me, and I turn my head to see Peter leaning against the glass window. 

"Why didn't you save her? You saved her last time why not now?" This is all so confusing. Tris didn't die here, Peter saved her.

"What are you talking about? I told you yesterday that you were being injected with death serum today. You probably didn't hear me while you were shouting for her." 

"Enough of this nonsense!" Jeanine says, "Let's just get on with this. Caleb, lower the char and turn the light back round." I start shouting and struggling but it's no use. I am going to die and it is going to be Jeanine's doing.

I see her coming towards me, the needle between her fingers. Beads of sweat trickle down my forehead and I feel the small prick of the needle on my neck. In a few minutes I will be dead. I want my last thoughts to be of the few months I was with Tris. 

When she came through the door in Amity with her hair chopped off. I thought she looked beautiful and strong. The Ferris wheel, that first moment I started to like her. She was so smart but I don't think she knew how clever she really was. 

Our little date we had, even though we argued we were fine in the end. Wiping the tears from her eyes on the train after the war, when she had just lost both of her parents. She was so strong, so brave. When we went into my fear landscape, being huddled in that small space together. I hated it but I saw the small smile she had on her face being there together. 

My vision starts to fade and I start falling into darkness. I manage one word out of my mouth, "Tris."

*

I feel hands on my shoulders. I am dead aren't I? 

"Tobias," someone whispers,"Tobias."

My eyes are opening. Am I alive? Have I been saved? I can see a white ceiling. I jolt upright and I can see someone. They're too blurry to make out though. My head is spinning and I start to see more clearly.

It's a girl. She has short blonde hair and is wearing a black top. There are dark smudges on her collarbone.

Tris.

My heart is racing and tears are falling from my eyes. My arms wrap around her and my lips fit into hers. She moves away for a second.

"Tobias, are you okay?", she says through a smile.

"I thought you were gone. I thought I lost you."

"I'm right here and I don't plan on leaving," she whispers and wipes my face.