Harry's POV
I watched as the clocked ticked by each minute, ever so slowly, reminding me of the irrational hope I had that he'd show. This wasn't something new; the waiting up for him hours into the night, the ache in my chest from the emptiness of his warm body no longer next to mine. The way he'd curl up beside me, wrapping me in his tight embrace. How he made me feel so safe and secure in his small arms.
The sad reality was, he wouldn't show. Not tonight. Not while he was out at the club with a group of girls. It hurt to see him act that way around them, it wasn't who he truly was. He was too afraid to admit it though; to himself, to others, to the world and critical eyes surrounding us. I didn't blame him. People could be cruel. That didn't change the fact that I was left here patiently waiting on the sidelines for the moment everything would change. The moment where I could hold him in my arms and know that he was mine, with no fears of him running off to be with someone else.
As much as it pained me to see him in photographs with other women, partying and drinking the nights away, I knew it was his decision and I supported him. All I wanted was for him to be happy, whether or not that was with me. I'd give up everything just to see him smile and not have a worry left in the world; nothing to plague his beautiful heart. His happiness was everything to me, which is why I stayed quiet. I knew he'd be with me fully when he was ready.
Though the world was blind to what occurred behind closed doors, I had the memories to remind me that everything would be okay, and that all of this torment was worth it. Every stolen kiss and gentle caress. The meaningful glances that were held just a moment too long, though just enough for me to have that reassurance that he was still mine.
I had loved this man since I was sixteen, back when everything was so much simpler. Back when we didn't need to watch our every move, separated by too many eyes seeing through our facade. Back when we both shared the same hopes and dreams for our lives. He was like that missing piece; when I found him everything began to fall into place and seem to finally begin.
My life began with Louis and I could only hope it would end the same.
I jumped up from the bed when I heard the key card unlock the door. I padded barefoot into the small living room of the hotel, immediately smelling the scent of cigarettes and his faded cologne. I wanted to be happy that he was here, but with one look at the man in front of me I knew he wasn't himself; lost somewhere in the alcohol that pumped through his blood.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, taking a step forward to see him more clearly. The moonlight from the large glass windows illuminating his face.
"What? You don't want me either?" He asked, his voice raspy from the alcohol.
"I always want you. I just thought you'd be out with your friends." I said, trying not to envision the paparazzi photos of him wrapped in some girls arms that I'd have to see tomorrow.
"They didn't want me" he said, walking forward, drink in hand. I watched as he put the bottle to his lips, wincing at the burn of the alcohol.
"What do you mean they didn't want you?"
"They know, Harry. Everyone fucking knows, they've always known. We were just too stupid to think we could hide it." He said, the defeat and frustration in his voice evident. I knew exactly what he was talking about. My heart sunk at his words knowing the pain they'd cause him.
"How could they know? We've been careful, Louis. I mean we've slipped up a few times, but it wasn't anything too obvious." I explained, trying to reassure him. I stepped forward, turning his head so he was looking at me.
"How could they not know? With one look at you I turn to a goddamn sap. You have this power over me, Harry, and I'm drawn to you; I don't even realize it's happening." His voice softened, looking at me with so much love and worry in his blue eyes.
"Why should it matter what they think, Lou? I love you. I love you more than I ever have anyone else. Isn't that enough?"
"Of course it's enough. It's more than I could ever ask for. I'm just so afraid." He confessed. I wished I could take all that fear away and in its place give him all the love I feel for him.
"I won't let anything hurt you. We deserve to be happy. We've been hidden for so long and it's taking its toll on us. I can feel it and I know you can too. We aren't the same as we were those years ago. I'm afraid of what this constant separation and caution is going to do to us. There's only so much more we'll be able to take before we break. I don't want to lose you, Louis. We've come too far to have it end like this."
"I don't want it to end, Harry." Louis said, coming in so his small body was pressed against mine, head resting on my shoulder. I leaned down, resting my face in his soft hair, arms wrapped around him tightly. I never wanted to let go, though I always had that fear that one day I'd have to. The thing is, is that I would. If letting go was what he truly wanted, then I'd do it. I never wanted Louis to feel trapped with me. Even when he was with Eleanor I made sure not to interfere with their relationship, as much as it hurt to see him with her. That was supposed to be me; we were the ones who were supposed to be going out, being able to hold hands and kiss in public. But that would be too good to be true. So instead I held my tongue and tried not to scream as my best friend and love of my life was being pulled away.
"It doesn't have to end. I'll be here as long as you want me. I'm not going until the day you tell me leave."
"That day will never come. I just need some more time. I know it's not fair of me to ask that of you, but everything will come out soon..I just need a little while longer to go figure things out." Louis said looking up at me, pleading. My heart ached for him, for us, for the obstacles we've continuously had to overcome. It was this never ending cycle, but it was one I'd gladly go through for him. He was worth it all.
"Of course. Take as much time as you need." I assured, kissing the top of his head.
He smiled up at me, making me return the gesture.
"I love you, Harry."
"Always, Lou." I said before bringing his mouth to mine, continuing in the tragic secret world of our love's existence.
