virus | skz

-five-

"Do you remember that one time we went looting—" Chan cuts himself off with an amused laugh that he can't seem to contain. His eyes meet mine and realization hits me. I know exactly what he's talking about.

"Oh my god—that was the worst day of my life." I slap his chest aggressively as he tries to control his laughter.

"You were so fucking cute—I couldn't even handle you." Chan takes my hand in his and intertwines our fingers before glancing up at me. I groan as I shake my head. He reaches out with his other hand and gently caresses my cheek.

"I didn't know what they were! It was literally the week after it all started! I saw a damn brownie and I was going to eat it—even if it was kind of hard!" I chuckle as I start to soften up as the memory plays through my head.

"Your face after you ate it and you realized you messed up was literally the funniest thing I'd ever seen." Chan leans in to press his forehead against mine. He closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath.

"Weren't you scared? I was. Once it kicked in—I was terrified. You ate some, too, but not as much as I did." I recall the intense terror that filled me. The anxieties I hadn't even known I had began to climb up my throat and spill out until I could barely breathe. Everything seemed like a threat to me. The world wasn't the same world I'd gotten to know. The colors were so much more vivid. Chan had had this weird aura around him.

"It didn't hit me that bad. I took a bite and abandoned the brownie, so I didn't have as much in my system. You though—you kept telling me I was pink. Your words were really spaced out and you were moving so slow. Every other word had something to do with me and pink. I mean—I guess I was kind of worried, but the things you were doing made me relax a bit." Chan admits as he leans back against the wall. He tenses a bit as I weakly rest my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes and take a shaky breath.

"I didn't really get scared until you told me you saw a scarecrow walking around asking you for a hug. I literally picked you up and carried you back to the house. When I told MinHo what happened he punched me and told me I was stupid. He wasn't wrong. I shouldn't have let you wander around so long after eating it and realizing. It didn't kick in right away, so we could've made it home before it hit. You wouldn't have been in as much danger that way." Chan confesses the flaw he'd seen in himself that day. He pats my thigh softly and looks toward the door. Just on the other side—a dozen or so monsters are lurking waiting for the chance to get a taste of us. Every so often, we can hear them tapping at the heavy door.

"You didn't know. You weren't aware of the effects it could have. You probably thought it'd be something pretty mild. It's not like you knew how much was in them." I do my best to try and lessen his disappointment in himself.

"No—I know that now, but back then I thought I had to be perfect. That I couldn't make a mistake. I was the oldest. I was in charge. I had to keep you all safe on my own. I still have to, but I'm not afraid to ask for help now." Chan reassures me as a frown crosses his beautiful yet damaged face the moment I shiver.

"That goddamn scarecrow. I still have nightmares about it. His creepy, alien voice and his black button eyes. He still gives me chills." I shudder at the thought of him. I don't know how exactly my brain had managed to come up with him, but it did. It put so much thought and detail into him that I could've sworn he had to have been real—or at least something I'd seen before in passing.

"I still have no clue how you got through that as well as you did. You scared the hell out of Lix and Min. The two of them cried when you stopped talking." Chan looks up toward the clock above the door. He watches the hands tick briefly before sighing and settling in a bit more.