virus | skz

-ten-

I shoot up in bed and squeeze my eyes shut tightly. A sharp pain radiates from my temple and down the back of my neck. Breathing proves to be more difficult than I remember it being before. I force my eyes open and immediately panic. Black. Everything in one eye is black and white. No color exists in the world despite the dimly lit candle flickering a few feet from me.

I hold my hands out in front of my face and my fears grow even deeper. The more I blink, the harder it is to brush it off as nothing. My left hand is a deep shade of grey. My right hand full of color. I look toward Chan while trembling. My eyes fall on his exposed throat. Why do I want to lean in and sink my teeth in? Why do I want to taste his gorgeous flesh? Is it happening? Am I turning? Should I wake him? Should I tell him to take me somewhere far away and lock me up before it's too late? No. I can't. I can't be sure I'm turning. It could be from my head. Maybe it's because of the concussions. Maybe it's nothing.

I scramble to my feet. I need to see what's going on. I can't act as if everything will be okay if I lay back down. I can't risk anything. Not while sleeping next to him. I can't let myself hurt him.

"Bin? Where are you going?" Chan asks groggily as he sits up and rubs at his eyes.

"B—bathroom." I force the words out, the pounding in my head making it difficult to do much thinking.

"Mhm—do you want me to come with you?" Chan questions as he rubs at the back of his neck.

"N—no, I'm fine. I'll just be a minute." I reassure him before slipping away so he can't object.

My legs shake with terror as I press my hand against the wall to help guide me through the dark. I hadn't grabbed any light. The main lights go out at night to conserve energy. We only use them in emergencies. Our only source of electricity is the sun, and we don't have that at night.

I slowly creep by MinHo, SeungMin, and JiSung's room. Their door stands open as if someone else had slipped away for a brief moment. I search for confirmation that all three of them are wrapped securely in their blankets. MinHo lays on his side with his back to me, his arm wrapped around JiSung's waist while he stares up at the ceiling. It's clear as day he had a really hard time and MinHo did his best to comfort him before falling asleep. SeungMin sits against the wall, fast asleep, with a book in his hands.

I tense the moment JiSung's eyes shift toward me. He doesn't say a word though. Then it clicks. As long as I'm quiet, there's no way he can see me. Their dim candle isn't enough to illuminate the hallway. The blanket of dark is more than enough to shield me. If I keep moving quietly as if I hadn't noticed him he'll probably just assume it's someone going to the bathroom. Then again, that's actually what I'm doing, so why am I so afraid he'll notice me?

He sighs and rolls onto his side to face MinHo. He pokes at his face and MinHo squirms a bit. I continue forward, knowing very well that if I take too long Chan will come searching for me. If I do need to leave—I have to do it before he can come for me.

I push the bathroom door open and move directly toward the sink. The motion lights kick in and I find myself staring back at a monster—well half of one. My legs go weak as I reach up to run my fingertips under my left eye. My once dark brown iris has become snow white. The other is left untouched. I have to leave. I can't stay here. I can't put the others in danger. But I can't move my feet. I can't stop staring at the stranger in the mirror.

My legs go weak and I fall to the ground as my head begins to throb. I dig my fingertips into my scalp, grabbing fistfuls of hair as I plead quietly for it to stop. Tears trail down my face as I finally begin to accept this is it for me. I have to leave. I can't stay. I'll hurt the others. I don't want to hurt anyone. I have no choice but to run away and lock myself up before it takes me over completely. If I'm locked up, I can't hurt anyone. I have to chain myself up. If I'm not a threat—hopefully they won't kill me. I don't want to die.