Hearts

You

I sit in my new seat. We've changed seats today. I looked around my surroundings, I saw everyone. I saw people with black hair, people with brown. Even a girl and guy with matching bow ties. I place my sweaty palms into my lap, playing with my thumb. I hear your laugh playing in my head, over and over again. You grabbed my hands and pulled them away from each other, smiling at me laughing how nervous I was. I look up my insides tying into a bow. Perfect. Why do I feel this way? Why is my insides twisting like this? Can they possibly feel the weird gazes upon me? But how? how can they feel what I see? For my insides do not have eyes. And for my insides have no purpose but to help my food go through me. I look down at my thumbs, fiddling away. Glide, glide, slide, slide. I smile, remembering us. I remember you took me to the park, I have never been to a park. My noisy ears always heard others lips say and speak about the park, yet my legs never influenced me to get up and go. Get up and enjoy my time with the park only so near but yet so far. Yet there I was, swings slides, jungle gyms. All in front of my bright yet dark green eyes. I never saw anything in just green, why? For my eyes are green, why wasn't anything else? I feel your hands wondering up my frail body, you touched me in such silk. Your fingers graze through mine, locking them. Why? I asked. You laugh saying I was always so curious. Why was I? I ask again, and you laugh and roll your eyes in a joking matter. Why? Why did you roll your eyes? What respect and disrespect does eyes have? That offend in great matters. Who made up such a silly rule as to how our eyes effect our appearance? So many whys, yet not enough answers to my whys. Has no one else ever sit down to think about this? I ask, you move your shoulders up shrugging. Why? Who said that pushing your shoulders up was a sign as to 'I don't know?' Why with every motion and every emotion our body feels it. Has no one ever thought about any of this? I ask again. You smile. My eyes light up and a smile comes onto my face. But why? Why is only your smile that can make me smile? A real smile. I feel a sting to the face, another after another. That smile of yours is gone. Your once beautiful body smells of things I wish I never smelt. My nose burns. My eyes water. My heart breaks. Something courses through my body. What is this emotion? I have never felt it before. Another sting but to my inner thigh, you on top of me. How? How did we get into this position? So fast, one blink now we are both naked. Tears falling down my face. Once again. I feel the pain. Why? I feel a sharp pain, in me you moving in and out of me. I beg you. Stop! Stop! Please! Stop! I scream. At least I thought I was. Another sting and ache. My body doesn't like this. Why? Why aren't you listening to my body? Why is your body having pleasure from this? Are you blinded? Can you see anymore? Can you see the other body in your eyes? Or have you shielded your eyes? Is my body so ugly that you have to shield your eyes, and block your ears? I look up and I don't see you. I still wonder why? Why does love and your body work like this? Why am I empty? But yet full of everything inside? My shoulder yells at me telling me a hand is communicating. I feel your hand once more, I turn I see nothing next to me. I feel everything, but for I have shielded my eyes, and blocked my ears. For you did not think or care for me. So my eyes and ears did the job for me. Never again will I see or hear you. For you never saw or heard me, every night I screamed and begged for you to stop. Never once did you un shield anything, for me. So now I will never un shield anything for anyone, because of you. If you could un shield your ears, I would tell you. You made me find another emotion. Its an emotion most people go through. For I have never had this emotion until I met you. I would tell you thank you for allowing me to feel a new emotion. An emotion that is now my best friend. Fear.