Hearts

Him

First day of the rest of my life, senior year. I sit in class, awaiting the bell, as it rings you walk in. My stomach screams with guilt, as my heart shrivels with pain. I remember our past, I remember the pain. In our past, you wanted me, in our past I wanted you. In our past, my heart wasn't whole, in our past, yours wasn't either. I woke up one day, realizing the pain, realizing how high my heart really built that wall, in our past I didn't realize that yours was taller and thicker than mine. Who hurt your heart? My brain and tongue as curious as a fox they asked. Your heart decided to break the wall, for it pounded so hard, you were in love and I was not. I was in pain, yet my brain and heart wanted you. You mended my heart, and caressed my brain. Making them both agree, yet my heart still shut away, being as stubborn as a mule, I pushed you away. My heart and brain told me no one could love me, it was all a lie, oh I cried and cried when I told you goodbye. Now, here we are, in first period I feel your gaze, I feel your hatred. My heart breaking it's walls, my brain making images of you with another heart not being mine... My heart screamed and my insides twisted at the horrible thought. My fingers being ever so brave, one day danced away. "I like you" they say, my heart tightened and frightened at the thought of your response. My eyes closed my brain calling me stupid. Ah, finally your fingers respond, "I still like you" is what they say, my lips can't help themselves as they smile away. 5 months go by, the fastest 5 months ever, all spent with you. The happiest I've been to know I love you, the best part is I know your heart loves mine just as much maybe even more, the wall around my heart is no more, but my heart is still breaking your wall. One day, the wall will be completely gone, your heart will be all mine, and no one will ever hurt it again. Your fingers, touch my skin making it come to life, goosebumps dance on the surface. Your fingers, nothing but love laced between them, when we make love, my heart beats with passion, my lips are speechless, yet moan with so much pleasure, that you and only you can make my body feel. One day, you cried, and you lied. You told me you were okay, a simple joke I thought to be, but to you it was pain. I asked if you were okay? Your tongue lied and told me yes, for I begged and begged for your heart to open up, for your eyes came to life and watered the dead hurt grass on your soft handsome face, your tongue spoke with words of hurt, my heart screams with your heart as I hear the words your heart and brain feel, and how I hate how insecure your perfect self is. Yes, I say. I am not as clean and innocent as I play to be, yes there were others who played my heart, there were others who took the part of me that mattered most, my virginity. I was stupid, I was fooled, I was hurt. I cried and cried, for I wish to rid your pain, I hear your hearts pain louder than before. The thought of me in others embrass plays in your mind everytime, you think my words are all fake, your brain stresses away, and tells you things, that I enjoyed it more than you. Please my handsome love, all the things my tongue and lips say, when they dance and moan against yours, I can promise you... No one has made me feel this way before, no one has made me feel the love I do now. I loved those fuckboys, at least my heart deceived me to believe. I never loved one, not one. My brain kept telling me, I never listened for I was blinded by their lies, you are my one and only I promise you that. You are so insecure, as am I. I look at you, and I see love, I look at you and I see grace, I look at you and see a lost soul, I look at you and see a hurt face, I look at you and see nothing but perfection, you look at me and see nothing but perfection. I see you as you see me, you see? No one else matters, for I am here for you, forever and ever. You are my everything and nothing less. We may scream, cry, fight, get upset but in the end we always come back loving one other. I believe in God and you do not, I hate the songs you listen to about your soul not being saved, or shall it never. I believe in heaven, as to where I hope to be, the only problem, I want you to be there with me, I want to be with you for eternity, but as time passes, so shall we... Only then will destiny decide if we were meant to be for eternity. None the less, I will not love you any less for this reason, I will try my best to teach you more. If you agree or disagree that is your choice, but just know I'll always love you, no matter the call. He is my everything, he is my world, my sunshine, my hope, my calmness, my reason for breathing. I am in love with him. I fell so hard, I got knocked out cold, because I haven't gotten up, and I don't think I ever will. He loves me just for me, all scars and wounds, he thinks I'm beautiful and that is enough. I thank him, for loving me just for me. I love you ever so dearly my wonderful him.