HE, HIM, AND US (Complete ✅)

December 2019

December 2019

Earth 2

New is drained. He is tired of the lies he tells himself. And the lies he lets himself believe. He has fallen back into Tawan's trap ad-nauseam.

"I didn't mean to. I'll do better."

He never does. He was stupid to think this time would be any different. It is a pattern of abuse; Tawan hurts him, apologizes, and then reverts to his old ways. Just three days ago, he had asked for another break. Tawan had sworn by heaven and earth to treat him better.

"No more, I promise. I didn't mean to yell. I'll do better."

But two hours ago, he crossed paths with Tawan and Jumpol outside the Siam Center. It was an unexpected meeting. Tawan did not tell him he'd be there. Tawan never tells him these things. He didn't know what to do. He thought ignoring them would be odd so he waved at the two friends.

The following 5 seconds were the most degrading of his life. Tawan walked past without acknowledging him. Shame crushed his spirit. He stood there for a long time, not knowing what to do with himself.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back.

When he saw his pathetic face in the dashboard mirror, he knew it was time to break the trauma bond he developed with Tawan.

No amount of promises to do better will change him. He will always be just a warm body to the man. He has to end it this time and for good. He parks in front of Tawan's building and punches in the code. The lock clicks and opens.

He holds back tears as he rides up to the 8th floor. No more tears for Tawan today. Or ever again.

1234, he puts in the lock combination. Tawan is in his living room. He smiles when he sees New. Drops the remote and rises to greet him, arms wide open.

"Hey, you didn't tell me you'd be coming." He freezes and leans away. A frown pulls his lips together. "Are you okay?"

New steps to the side. He doesn't want counterfeit affections. "I'm fine."

In times like this, Tawan pretends to care. If New didn't know any better, he would think he did. "Hey Thitipoom, come here. Talk to me." His voice is reassuring.

"I—," despite practicing his speech on the way here, he finds it hard to get the words out. "I don't want t—to do this anymore."

The muscles in Tawan's face twinge. His body goes rigid. "What?"

"I'm tired, Tawan. Can't you see I'm tired?"

"What's this about?" The answer must have come to him instantly. His eyes narrow. "Is this about the mall today?"

New says nothing. The reminder revives his humiliation. How did he allow himself to get to this point?

"Fucking hell, Thitipoom!" Tawan explodes. "Must everything be about you?"

He flinches. Moves a step away. "I want out."

"No!"

"I want out!" He repeats. Louder.

"I said no!" He crowds New against the door. "No! You pull this shit every day. It's fucking irritating. Do you know how it makes me feel? You make me miserable, Thitipoom."

"Fuck you!" New gives his chest a push. He is a sturdy pillar. Miserable? Out of the two of them, who should be the miserable one? "I don't want you anymore. I'm tired of fucking you. I'm not attracted to you anymore."