Hidden Urges

"Where the hell, do you think you're going?" my ignorant husband yelled.

"Just going to the car to get my brush, I already told you that!" I said sharply.

"Raise your voice at me again. See I smack the shit outta you," he whispered.

"You need to watch your mouth...'fore I call my mama," I declared.

"Bitch please, I make all the money and pay all the bills, I run this."

I couldn't believe he just called me that. I went outside to retrieve my brush because my hair was a mess and company would be at the house at any time. I usually didn't wear open-chest shirts or show any skin unless I was going out but I figured today I would sport some snug shorts and a tank top.

My idiot husband is an insecure and emotional man and it was cute until 3 years after marrying him but now it's unbearable. He doesn't want kids, he constantly accuses me of impossible feats or affairs that he could never prove we're going on but always made me feel bad about it somehow. We have good moments sometimes and it seemed I really did love him but it's just...I expected more from this marriage. I returned to the house while in thought.

"Who said you could wear that? That is too much ass hanging out and my nigga coming over and you know that. I swear you be teasing these niggas out here, entertaining'em, and bein' a ho!" he shouted.

"First of all my ass is not showing, I am grown and you not my daddy, you don't have to worry damn, you act like we ain't married dumbass and I thought I said three years ago I loved only you but you sit up there and call me out my name?" I snapped.

I didn't even stay in the living room to hear his response because that would have drained my already stressed mind. I decided to get even a little more pretty by hitting the bathroom for some eyeliner and a light touch of lip gloss to hopefully to make my husband's friend jealous of him so my husband could regain his confidence back.

I debate with myself in my head on whether he even deserves such things and even managed  to feel like I was being too hard on him. We do have good moments every now and again but I feel like I am settling for less when he is capable of more...I mean, at least the man I married and not that clown in the living room posing as my husband. I decided to wait for his friend to arrive to stun them both and maybe my husband wouldn't be such an asshole for the rest of the day. That has become my life with this man, just finding new ways to appease his anger and fear of losing me. He showed signs that he wouldn't ever be the same man again and probably that is why he had to throw silly temper tantrums and be so hurtful, to mask his failure as a man of not fulfilling his wife.

It had been two weeks since I had seen some action in the bedroom but I am not the one to beg for sex even though he wants me to be. How am I supposed to be this slutty pornstar for him if he can't even remember our wedding night, our first date, or hardly even my birthday?

Just because a man makes all the income doesn't mean his wife is a slave but rather she should be a equal partner in love but most men these days seem to think otherwise. I don't usually have friends to talk to because they are single and wouldn't understand. I would at least like children especially a daughter. Children make me excited just thinking about them. I am not the feminist type either, it makes no sense for a woman to engage in something a woman is factly going to fail at but I don't judge feminism.

I just wish they all would focus on empowering women instead of trying to compete with men.

In the middle of my thought, the door had suddenly rang and I assumed it was my husband's friend. I have never met his friend in person, I wonder if they are alike...that thought made me cringe. I answered the door but I open it in a way where only my face was visible and my face blushed when I processed all the information thrown at me. A taller man with silky jet black hair smiled at me with warm brown eyes and pearly teeth. He entered without my verbal permission but the way I looked at him probably was a signal of "welcome" to him.