Tape • NH

18

Chapter Eighteen, Oops, I Did It Again

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I felt like some spy or secret agent going undercover as childish as it sounds. I had to duck my head so many times, press my back against the wall, and walk super fast through the halls without being seen by anyone I knew. It's definitely one of the hardest things I've done. I had contemplated how I might be over exaggerating the incident during lunch, being that I was acting like a total freak, but I still felt humiliated. I could have sworn everyone in the quad had heard and watched what happened, especially my walk of shame out of there. I felt so open and weak, I didn't want anyone to see or approach me while I was vulnerable.

Oh my gosh, I was... sensitive? Wow.

Turns out, I would be a horrible FBI or CIA agent, so there goes working undercover for the government when I grow up. Kinda sucks. Guess I could settle for SWAT. Anyways, the reason for narrowing my career choices was because I ran into Carmen on the way to my car. It was in that very second I saw her that I remembered it being Wednesday and I had to drive her home. Un-freaking-believable.

We were standing outside the school not far from the parking lot. Carmen was only, maybe, three or four yards away. Our gazes locked and students passed by us, but our eyes never faltered. I couldn't read her expression, but mine was of full horror no doubt. That's how I felt at least as we stared at each other. I expected her to walk towards me because I'm pretty sure my feet somehow became apart of the cement underneath me. My heart was not desperately trying to break free from my ribcage, but instead it was frozen. I don't even remember breathing. There was something else I felt, but I can't even describe it because I'd never felt it before.

When I noticed Carmen moving closer, my senses snapped and I repeatedly, excessively, cursed in my head. She is the last person I wanted to see and this is the last thing I wanted to happen. Those dreams I had about Carmen were so sweet compared to this terrifying, nail-biting nightmare taking place. I didn't even try to gain my composure back as she stood before me. I just wanted to run away faster than Usain Bolt. Why does this have to happen to me?

"Hey, thought you were gonna try and ditch me." Carmen teased as if she knew just how uncomfortable I really was around her. She probably does.

"Ha." I tried to smile and laugh, but it wasn't really funny since it was the truth. And she looked scary for some reason. Her hair was in the same curls as when I first saw her, only I didn't want to watch one of them bounce this time.

"You look like you're gonna be sick. Are you okay?"

Oh Carmen, Carmen, Carmen, you don't even know.

"Psh, I'm fine." I noticed the pitch of my voice rise and it sounded kinda squeaky. This isn't happening. Why can't I have freaking red shoes so when I tap them together, I'm home? Is that too much to ask for on Christmas?

"I don't think so." Carmen said as she stared at me skeptically while she concentrated on studying my face. Really, that was a waste of her time because she was right, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

"Yeah." I answered, nodding my head and trying so desperately to pull myself together. It was like something destroyed my guard and I was having trouble at least mending it. Did I mention it was the worst day of my life, because it was.

"Okay, then let's go." She said, pushing whatever doubts she had aside and jerking her thumb in the direction of my car. I nodded my head again and followed her.

Even after Carmen and I had sat in my car and we were on our way to her house, neither of us said a word more to each other. It was quiet and I couldn't help but feel like the silence was suffocating me. It made everything worse since I had been brooding over what happened. Not gonna lie, my whole mood did a shift and I was becoming annoyed and frustrated with myself. I ended up putting myself down and adding my own name to the list of people I disliked. Fine, I was becoming insane and more than the people who I accused of being insane. I just couldn't believe how incredibly stupid I was acting again.