This was my magnum opus and I didn't know it

2

...know that my bitterness is

[borne from my own inflammation? unrest? refracted into my system as i remain in suspension? another variant of an echo that my subconscious concatenates and dissolves? something that my lassitude decays into? holds with respect to my inaction? congeals in an echo chamber while i'm in pause. is a sink for all the wrong types of avoidance.]

...thinking (having reclaimed some relation to the world?)

[can only be carried out under amniotic circumstances? still holds amnesia in its trajectory? is too granular to sharpen? is immiscible with my default? arises through pathways atrophied beyond discernablility. is irretrievable. has its traction concealled. sits at the apex of my desensitization. intersects blindspots. teases at a periphery i cannot keep a track of. spirals off energies i cannot unleash. turns obsolete if it becomes too conscious.]

...the best of me

[stems from resonances i am unfamiliar with. arises from an origin i do not feel from. runs only for the gain of transcription. you fell in love with me briefly? with a web i formed tangential to my being. i couldn't pinpoint my own salience. i can't hold something so granular in my memory. you wanted me for what? when we kiss do i bear a taste at all? felt so fucking bleached yet you found layers fit for burrowing. your withdrawal feeds my amnesia. cognition all brittle. every redeeming phrase is carried by a whim and condemned to spiral. the subconscious hoards. my own emptiness breaks my heart more than you ever could. it deadens me before it can ever hit. you opened me up and i fucking dispersed. don't integrate into my autopilot. habituation traps me because i haven't earnt my entitlement to it. a lack of initiative leaves one malnourished. i'm sleeping heavier because i'm so insulated to my subconscious. you've found nothing. you wanted nothing? you've got me. it doesn't sit well anymore. i'm seizing because i'm losing a pillar. i don't know how many i have. can't handle the responsibility of bearing my own structure. what is it to grow organically?]