Sarah Paulson One Shots

i need a miracle - merrill

prompt: reader met a girl named merrill. one day merrill talks about how her mother died and finds out reader isn't as okay as they say they are.

trigger warning: suicidal thoughts, talk about death

word count: 1409

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You met this girl a while ago, Merrill. She was like a dream, but not a bright, sunny dream. She's been through a lot, as have you. That's probably why you immediately felt a connection, you understood each other.

You hated school, for many reasons. Mostly because kids can be horrible, so you often skipped school and just walked around. You never knew where though. You didn't like to be at your house either, your parents just fought with each other, or with you. It made you anxious.

One day you were walking in this neighbourhood and you heard a scream behind a big, white house. So you ran there, and that's when you saw her for the first time. She was standing in an empty, dirty pool. You asked her what happened and she said that she saw a dead squirrel and got scared. You found out her name was Merrill, you thought it fit her.

"Why are you here?" You asked her as we sat on the edge of the pool. She looked at you for a second.

"This used to be my house." She said sadly. Just as you were about to answer, your phone buzzed. You picked it up and saw that your mom was calling you. You answered.

"What do you want?" You asked, harsher than intended.

"Don't be rude! Where are you?"

"I'm with a friend." You just wanted to hang up, but that would only cause more problems.

"What friend?" She asked and you were about to speak when she cut you off. "You know what, I acually don't care. Just... be home in an hour." You and my mom had a really complicated relationship. Your dad never really cared about you, but your mom did. Sometimes. Maybe...

She would often be mad at you. She could be mad at you one second and then she would be all like: "I care about you and I love you." the other. She never even apologised if she said or did something that really hurt you. She just went on with her day as if everything was okay. You knew she probably loved you deep, deep down. But your relationship was so broken that she couldn't fix it, no matter how hard she tried.

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye." She said bluntly and hung up. You sighed and laid down on your back, looking up to the sky. Merrill did the same.

"You have a good mom, you know? She's just worried about you." Merrill said softly. "I used to swim around wishing my mother would die."

"Yeah, sometimes I wish that too."

"Mine did though." Merrill said quietly.

"What?"

"Die."

You looked back at her with sad eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"There was this girl." Merrill started.

"How old?" You asked.

"12, maybe. She came home from a party. She was supposed to spend the night at a birthday party but she got scared so she came home. She went through the front door but her mom wasn't there. So she went upstairs to her room. And she sat up there for a while. She could hear the water dripping, but her mom wouldn't answer so she went to her mothers room. Then she went to the bathroom where the water was. Her mom was in the tub."

You noticed Merrill's eyes watering and you understood that this was her way of explaining things about herself. "She needed to get clean. The girl started breathing, really hard. And she screamed at her mother. She screamed and screamed, but she wouldn't get out of the tub. So she came downstairs." Her voice was wobbling and tears ran down her cheeks. You looked at her and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "She sat down there for a while. She started thinking about things, you know like; The names of old dolls and stuff like that. She was just waiting for her mom to finish her bath. So she stood up, but something happened and she fell down. But she knew she wanted to get to the pool so she started crawling. Yeah, but she was breathing too hard so she flopped over on her back. Her eyes were closing, and opening and closing and she could see the stars and then she couldn't and then she could and then it was dark." You took a hold of her hand as support and she gently squeezed it as a way of saying 'Thank you'