Sarah Paulson One Shots

always forever - ally mayfair richards & wilhemina venable

trigger warning: self harm, hopelessness

-request from holytrinitysophie

"i was thinking maybe you could write one where ally and mina are y/n's moms and y/n is struggling with sh because of her upcoming exams and that her moms see it on her thigh and the old scars too and support her with it?" i'm so sorry this took so long. i struggled a lot writing this and i don't like how it turned out.

word count: 798

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You were sitting in your room, staring at your computer. All the assignments overdue but you just couldn't bring yourself to do any. You had exams coming up and you knew you needed to study but the overwhelming feeling in your whole body caused you to just crumble and give up completely. It felt like nothing mattered, but everything did at the same time. Because if you failed this you would be a failure, a disappointment to your mothers. The thought brought tears to your eyes and you closed the computer as you buried your head in your hands. You felt numb, but there was still this raging fire within you. You couldn't handle the pressure, you couldn't handle the thought of your mothers being mad at you. You brought your head from your hands and your eyes met the pencil sharpener on your desk. You looked at it for a moment before grabbing it and weakly walking to your bathroom.

You looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror, you were so disappointed in yourself. The tears in your eyes were now running down your cheeks and you slid down the wall behind you. Your shaky hands undid the screw in the pencil sharpener. With no doubt you brought the blade to your upper thigh where many other scars littered your skin. You dragged the blade across your thigh at least seven times before you dropped it to the floor. You watched as the blood trickled down to your knee to the floor. Standing up and walking to the toilet you grabbed some tissues and dabbed the cuts until the blood had dried up enough and stopped running down your thighs. You dragged yourself to bed, snuggling up in a fetal position under the covers and fell asleep.

"Honey?" Your mom, Ally whispered. "Oh, baby." She whispered to herself, concerned. She looked at her wife, Wilhemina who returned the same concerned expression. Ally pulled your sleepy form onto her lap as Wilhemina stroked your hair. You fell back asleep, not knowing that your mothers had seen the cuts and the scars. As you woke up again, you yawned and snuggled into your mothers. Ally and Wilhemina looked at each other for a second before they both brought their gaze back to you. Ally took a deep breath before speaking. "We saw the cuts and the scars, baby." She said softly, no judgement in her voice but it still caused you to sit up quickly as tears brimmed in your eyes. "Honey, we're not mad, we're just concerned." Wilhemina said and you looked at her, her concerned face making you feel guilty. "I'm sorry." You whimpered, choking on your words.

You felt so embarrassed.

"No, sweetheart. You have nothing to be sorry for." Ally quickly took you in her arms as you cried into her chest. "It's not your fault." She whispered. "What's going on? Talk to us, darling." Wilhemina said. "I'm such a failure." Your head started hurting from all the crying. "Oh, sweetheart. No, you're not. You're just having a hard time right now and that's okay." Wilhemina reassured you. "I'm so tired." You sounded so broken, so lost. "I know, baby. I know." Ally said as she pulled you both into a lying position. She held you tighter as Wilhemina stroked your back, causing your cries to turn into occasional sniffles.

"How long have you been doing this, honey?" Wilhemina asked you carefully, gently stroking your thigh. You couldn't bear looking at her so you kept your gaze on your fingers.

"I don't know, maybe a year and a half." You answered quietly.

"Why haven't you come to us, you know we would never be mad at you over something like this, right?" She spoke in a soft tone.

"I know." You sighed. "I just didn't want to burden you."

"You couldn't ever be a burden to us. You're the best thing that ever happened to us and we love you unconditionally, okay? You nodded.

"I really am trying." You said after a moment of silence. Ally hugged you a little tighter when you said those words.

"We know, darling. And we're so proud of you." Ally said softly. Wilhemina kissed the crown of your head. "We love you and we're here for you, always." She said. "Thank you." You whispered.