Sarah Paulson One Shots

more than the stars in the sky - cordelia goode

prompt: reader feels neglected and is slowly slipping away from the only woman they feel safe with.

trigger warning: mention of absent mother, abandonment, mommy issues

word count: 1768

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You've been in the academy since you were twelve, when there were only four other girls there. You've been close to Cordelia since you came to the academy. She is close to all the girls and she treats them like her own, but with you it's special. Cordelia was unable to have children of her own, you longed after a mother so it was fate. You two were inseparable.

Until recently.

Lately you've been slipping away from Cordelia and she has noticed. You'd been spending more time in your room all by yourself, sleeping or staring at the ceiling. Sleeping was your way to escape the horrible reality you were living in.
___

You woke up from your third nap today with a sigh, almost disappointed to be awake.

"Y/n?" A familiar voice called out from the other side of the door. You rolled over in bed facing the wall, pretending to be asleep as the door knob turned. Cordelia's head peaked through the door.

"Sweetheart?" She whispered seeing you under the covers. She smiled sadly, she was hoping that you would be awake due to the fact that the last time she saw you was four days ago. Believing your false sleeping state, Cordelia closed the door again, careful to not be too loud. Once you heard the door click you turned over again and sighed as tears prickled in your eyes. You wanted nothing more than to be with Cordelia. You missed her, very much so. You wanted to have her hold you. But you couldn't, you didn't want her to see you like this. Something that broke your heart even more was that home weekend was tomorrow. Everyone's been planning what they were going to do with their families or significant others for weeks. But you didn't have anyone, you were alone.

You haven't really eaten a full meal in about two weeks. Just some toast here and there. Taking a shower seemed absolutely impossible right now and going to lessons was out of question for you. It broke Cordelia's heart when she saw your empty chair in the classroom, but Cordelia decided that enough, was enough. She stopped herself, knowing that everything will just get worse if she lets you push her away. Turning around she knocks on your door and to her surprise she heard footsteps.

"Hi." You let out as you open the door, your voice raspy and quiet from the lack of talking recently.

"Hi, honey." Cordelia smiles. "I was wondering if you'd like to eat dinner? The other's have already eaten so it's just you and me."

"Oh, yeah sure." You knew you couldn't get out of this.

"So." Cordelia started as she put a plate on the table in front of you. "How are you?"

"Fine." You replied poking at the food with your fork. "People who say that are usually not." Cordelia answered in a soft tone. You looked at her for a second then averted your eyes to the food. "Well, I am." You answered harshly. "Seriously, Y/n. I'm worried about you." Cordelia said with a more not so soft tone. "Please just tell me what's wrong."

"I don't know what you want me to say?" You felt tears in your eyes again. You didn't want to be interrogated right now. You didn't want Cordelia to be disappointed in you, you just to be happy and stay happy. Why was it so hard?

"Just tell me the truth." Cordelia

Suddenly you stood up, confusing Cordelia.
"Where are you going?"

"A walk." You answered, your voice barely over a whisper. Cordelia didn't even have time to answer before you were out the door, she sighed and looked down at your still full plate on the table.