Our Language of Flowers

Harebell

            Harebell; the flower meaning grief.
-

Throughout people's lives, many different events occur. Sometimes when you least expect it. Whether the event is positive, such as getting a promotion at your job, or meeting your favorite artist in concert. Or a negative event, such as getting fired or embarrassing yourself at a performance for your school's orchestra. No matter the event – every choice you make has led you to where you are now, and if you had made a different choice, you could be at a different place in your life.

Those were the exact thoughts running through Alden's head the night of March 7th, 2022.

Alden's phone laid on his pillow, the screen no longer lighting up his bedroom with messages from his now ex, Daniel. The sound of his record player's music faded into the background. His whole body felt empty, but his head did not.

His head was full of the thoughts of how maybe, if he'd made a different choice then he wouldn't be where he was now. Maybe he would still have a boyfriend, and he wouldn't feel like absolute trash.

But of course life was unfair to him. He knew the world wasn't against him, he'd never in a million years think that, because of course no one's life was exactly perfect, right? That didn't prevent Alden from thinking that life could be a bit more in his favor, though.

Alden's stupid decisions and supposed "mature thoughts" led him to breaking up with his boyfriend because Daniel's friends weren't exactly the best of people, and made him extremely uncomfortable. His ex had said that his reason was stupid, so stupid, that it made him want to laugh.

Alden's friends had told him that his reason was valid, and he believed that.

His "immature" reason had now left him boyfriendless and staring at his bedroom wall with tears running down his face. The thought of still attending school tomorrow was haunting him, and didn't make him feel any better. It made him feel worse.

He wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and vanish.

Alden wiped the tears from his face with his sleeve. His eyes burned from the amount of tears he'd cried in the past hour.

His hand swiped around on the bed in search of his glasses which he found seconds later laying on his pillow. He'd taken them off the moment he felt the familiar stinging sensation of wanting to cry. Alden didn't like getting his glasses dirty, therefore causing him to always be cautious with them.

The room lit up for a couple of seconds, and he looked down at his phone. It was a notification from his friends, who were trying to be supportive. He appreciated it, and them in general, but it wasn't quite working.

He typed out a quick reply and shut off his phone. He couldn't bear to do anything to distract himself. If he went through his camera roll, he'd find photos or videos of his ex, or perhaps the comfort voicemail he'd saved. Any games he had on his phone he associated with Daniel. He couldn't even listen to any music. He associated too many things with his ex, and that was one of his biggest mistakes.

Alden knew he'd be over his ex soon. He wasn't the best person, he'd realized. However, Alden was vulnerable and sensitive at the moment. Too sensitive that one wrong word or move from anyone could cause him to break down.

He'd have to hope that he'd feel even slightly better come morning.

                                          ***********

Morning came too quickly for Alden's liking, and the day was going by quicker than he preferred it to.

In nearly every class so far, he had felt the need to break down. He held back the tears. No matter how badly he wanted to cry, he wouldn't do it in school.