my journal at its finest

24th March 2022

I don't think I'm happy. Truly, properly happy. In my head I can never really be happy until I leave home and travel. I'll never be happy until I can escape and fall in love and live out my early years like the movie montages. I think I have to leave. I can't stay in Canberra any longer than I have to. It's a good city, don't get me wrong. It's just not for me. It's not made for dreamers. It's made for people who are only ever 'fine' and 'okay'. It's made for people who are fine and okay with settling for anything less than amazing. It's made for people who are fine and okay with being fine and okay. And I'm not that. I remember mentioning it to someone one time that I desperately want to move to New York after High School. Their answer was 'No you don't.'.
I'm really quite fucking sick of people telling me what I want on my life. What if University isn't my ultimate goal? What if my biggest regret isn't not getting a degree? It might be their biggest regret, but we're very different people. Sure, not having one disadvantaged them, but they settled. They settled for a life that payed their bills and not much else. Do you think they feel fulfilled? Because I certainly wouldn't. I want to make my life everything I've ever dreamt of, and I won't settle because that's not how I'm going to spend my life. And I don't care if they don't believe in me, because I believe that I can make that happen. And that's what's important. I need to leave. I need to get away from these people who will only ever be fine and okay.