Counting Stars (In A Relationship With EXO Kai)

10 | Fever Dream

Tao circled his arms around my shoulder.

"I ruined everything. Everything." I sobbed silently against his chest. His hand patted my back as he hushed me. My fingers curled over his shirt, I was in pain. I felt like I didn't deserve to even sit here in the waiting room. Tao had me come here though, and said nobody would say anything.

Alanna was standing in front of us, her eyes dry with the constant crying session she had been having. Suho was talking to the doctor, and had an arm wrapped around her shoulder to keep her standing. She looked so fragile and in pain. All because of me.

All because of me.

Jongin stepped out of the door. His eyes fell on me and he turned and walked away. Kyungsoo went inside. Fresh tears appeared in my eyes, and Tao squeezed me tightly by his side.

"Your training. You need to go," Suho told Alanna, and she looked up at him blankly. "I know it's tough, but you've to go. Debute evaluation is coming up, and you can't afford to miss a day now. Fei wouldn't have wanted that for you."

"I don't... I don't want to debute anymore," She replied.

His eyes flashed. "You've no idea what a bright chance you've right now, Alanna. So many people had to give up for different reasons, but now you're this close to fulfill your dreams and you don't want it?"

"No." she snapped back. "I don't want it if she's not with me, Junmyeon! We had a dream, to debute together. I won't be up on that stage when there's a high chance that she won't..." Her voice cracked and she ran towards the exit. Suho followed.

"Fei is awake. Do you want to see her?" Tao asked, and I lifted my head to look at him. He gently wiped my tears. "It wasn't your fault. You need to know this Sunhee. It was not your fault."

"But Jongin said-"

"I don't think he was talking about Fei that time," Tao muttered.

My forehead creased. "What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Are you ready to meet her? Or shall we come here some other time? It's okay if you need time to face her, Sunhee. Just try not to cry whenever you see Fei. She hates pity."

"I shall go home then." I stood up. Tao said he needed to stay in the hospital as Kyungsoo was alone at the moment. I booked a cab and went home.

It was 5 in the morning. Ae-Cha was gone with my parents to visit my grandparents in Daegu. My grandma had called on us for some reason. Even I was scheduled to go today, but then Fei happened and I cancelled the plan. I climbed down the cab and my heart leaped in my chest when I saw Jongin outside the gate. Did he wait for me?

"We should... We should go inside." He gestured with his thumb, looking around. I unlocked the gate and we both walked into the house. I was ready for the scolding, cursing and everything, but I wasn't ready for his next words. "I'm sorry for shouting at you."

I faced him. "What?"

"I'm sorry, sunshine." Jongin placed a hand on the top of the dining chair and a tear escaped his eye. "I was just... I don't know what I was thinking. Everything happened so fast... And I... I said some harsh things. I didn't mean any of it."

I guess I was going to complete my whole life's crying session in one go. That was today. Because I started crying again. Gosh. It was embarrassing but I couldn't control my tears. "I thought.. I thought I ruined everything. I thought I lost you and everyone..." I hiccuped. "I thought you won't want to see me again... I thought I lost you.." My words were all over the place.

Jongin stepped forward and took me into his arms. "You didn't loose me or anyone. Never, sunshine. Never. I'm so sorry that I made you feel this way. I'm so so sorry," his own voice cracked as he lowered his head to place it on my shoulder. "I never meant any of that, Sunhee. It wasn't your fault."

I cried harder than I intended to. With full blown sobs. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and guided me to my room. I kept hiding my face into his jacket. When Jongin placed me in the bed, he sat beside me and brushed my tears with the back of his hand. Then he offered me a glass of water. I calmed down after a few minutes.

"I... Thank you..." I bit my lip. "I needed to hear that. I know what it means to have a foot injury for a dancer, Jongin. It was only for decoration purpose. The flower pot, I mean. I have no idea... I have no idea how it happened."

"Sshhh..." He patted my head. "I know. I know. You don't have to explain."

I adjusted my head over the pillow. "Why didn't you talk to me when we were at the hospital? You ignored me," I said in a small voice. "I thought you hated me."

Jongin was caressing away my tears, but his hand stopped in the mid air after my question. He met my eyes. "You were with your boyfriend and I didn't want to disturb the moment."

"Boy-Boyfriend?" I frowned. Then I remembered Tao. "I haven't said yes to Tao."

His ears perked. "You haven't."

I shook my head slowly. "No," I replied. He turned silent then, staring outside. I patted the side of the bed. "Here, lie down for a bit."

A flicker of hesitation crossed his features before he laid by my side. "Why haven't you? I mean said yes to Tao." There was something off with the way he had voiced out his question.

"Why are you so sure that I would say yes?" I asked. He turned to his side, but avoided any eye contact. "Jongin?"

"Tao is a nice guy."

"You've said this before too." I hated it for some reason that he was advocating his friend for me. Like was I the only one feeling uncomfortable with the thought of someone else that wasn't him? Why was I even thinking of him like that?

"Well, it's the truth." He stared at me this time.

"Do you want me to say yes to him?" say no. Please say no.

"What do you want?" Jongin asked back. "Do you not like him?"

I gulped. Turning on my back, I stared up at the ceiling. "This is weird. This is so weird."

"What is?"

I glanced at him. He was frowning. "You and I discussing this dating thing. It's weird." Something struck my mind then. "Do you like someone?"

"Well we all have a crush. Don't we?" He muttered.

"Who is she? An idol? An actress? Or someone ordinary-"

"You," Jongin said and I froze. "Like you. Ordinary like you. What other choices are you going to give to me? You've already covered ordinary girls, idols, actresses... Hmmm next are sports girls I guess."

"Yeah." I forced a smile. "Yeah. So who is your crush?"

"You'll know. Someday. If it worked out, I'll tell you." He had a distant look in his eyes. "What about you?"

"I don't know what I feel," I mumbled. "It's a mess. My mind, I mean." My eyes drooped, and I yawned. "I'm sleepy." A few minutes passed in silence. The whole crying thing really tired me out. I closed my eyes, and felt him holding my hand and peeked through the hazy gaze. His face was a blur. I was in the middle of sleeping.

"Sunshine."

"Hmm..." I had no strength to open my eyes as I cuddled to his side. He called my name again and my eyes fluttered. We were close. Was it a dream? It seemed so. Why would Jongin stare at me like that in reality? Right? His fingers brushed over my cheek and I closed my eyes to feel that touch in my bones. Goodness. This dream was uncommon. He was saying something but I couldn't hear it clearly.

It vaguely sounded like this:

"Don't say yes to Tao. Don't say yes to him."

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