Beater ↕️ f.w.

II

AKG

Being a fourth year, professors are starting to crack down on us over our OWLs, although they don't occur for another year and some. They expect this bunch of 13, 14, and 15 year-olds to have their mind made up over what they want to become in life, and for myself, that hasn't even crossed my mind. Sure, I had those wild fantasies growing up as most children do; dinosaur wrangler, space explorer, perhaps even a princess if the right prince happened to cross my path at the perfect time.

But as we age and learn more about the world, those truly become more fantasies than goals to be achieved. Life begins to let you in on its dirty little secret of nothing is handed to you, and you are not entitled to a damn thing other than possibly living. That's not even guaranteed.

My courses this year almost felt forced. I would be sitting in on divination again just so Professor Trelawney can tell another student they're going to die before the year is out, and for some reason I would be under the watchful, or not so, eye of Hagrid during Care of Magical Creatures. What kind of shit is that to be stuck with a bunch of third years? Not just third years, but Gryffindor and Slytherin for god's sake.

Aside from the brilliant load I have been given, and the lack of people I chose to surround myself with, all I want this year is to go by quick as a flash.

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For the three years prior to this, I had a little tradition that I did with the girls in my dorm. We would sneak out of the common room just before curfew the night before classes started and go to the Black Lake. It sounds childish, but we would make a wish on a flower petal and place it into the lake. Almost like tossing a coin down a wishing well, but we had to work with what we had. Dad had always sent me with a lily of the valley, a delicate bell wildflower that always bloomed in the woods near our little town of Haxby, just north of York.

The first year I wished to make more friends because I felt alone, much like I had even when I was home, but I needed something more. This wish came true by my own will, I stepped out of my little baby 11-year-old shell and talked to people. I know, it's such a shock.

Second year, I was a bit dumb looking back, but wished for this boy to notice me. Of all things, of course it had to be something like this. Didn't come true, turns out this kid was not really worth any one's time, especially mine.

Last year, I wished to be a little more happy. Coming into my teen years was struggle enough but I had been feeling more and more... I don't want to say depressed but there's not really another word I can think of that would truly cover it. Sure I had some good friends, dad was awesome and my brother Logan had started at Hogwarts as well, but I just didn't feel like myself. 

This year, I watched from the door as the girls I had contributed with completed our new year ritual, keeping myself in the dark although they begged me to come down with them. I had told them now back in the dorm, and left it at that. I waited a few moments, then followed them out. I could just make out their figures on the edge of the dark water, a small candle lit for them. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but some slight movements around the flame.

Even if I'm not down there, I make my wish. My wish that I won't let anyone in because when that happens, it's only pain for everyone involved. My wish that no one gets hurt, whether that be emotionally or physically, because I can't handle something happened to someone near me. My wish to literally just be left alone and do what needs to be done.

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The first week of classes started off boring as usual, almost always the same professors trying to make new material interesting. At this point, the only thing I'm interested in is more sleep in my little four-poster bed. Sleep doesn't come easily anymore. Typically I have to beg my brain to shut off and leave me the hell alone.