Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Imagines

~•~ AOS Cast - Chloe & Elizabeth Find out Something from Your Past ~•~

tw: sad, mentioning of pills for medicinal purposes, loved ones dying and being sick, grief

You and Elizabeth are sleeping over at Chloe's house for a fun girls' night after a long week of work. Lil is in the bathroom and Chloe is making a call, so you're taking the opportunity of being alone to go take your medicine.

You have two pills of cold medicine since you're still getting over a slight cold from the week. You also have a pill for your depression and anxiety and a small Vitamin D pill. You're having trouble swallowing the first cold pill -- it's a Mucinex; it's ginormous. You're standing in Chloe's kitchen, trying to swallow the giant pill that's in your mouth, but it won't go down. Your hands are now shaking a bit, and you're pacing back and forth, trying to stay calm while you take all of your meds as quickly as possible.

Lil and Chloe walk into the room at the same time.
"Hey, Y/N, what's wrong?" Lil asks, a look of concern wiping across her face.
"You look really anxious," Chloe notices, coming to stand closer to you.
"Is everything okay?" Lil asks, following Chloe.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, don't worry," you say, and the pill finally slides down your throat. You wipe your face with your hand.
"What's wrong, Y/N/N?" Chloe asks, very serious.
"I just get really anxious swallowing large pills sometimes... it's okay, it's fine."
"How come?" Lil questions, tilting her head, furrowing her eyebrows.
"It's a really long story," you say, closing your eyes and shaking your head.
"We're here to listen," Chloe says.
"Only if you want to talk about it, of course," Lil says, sitting down in a chair.

"It's just... one time... when I was little, I was on a family vacation with a bunch of people.  Someone was taking a pill, and they choked on it, and the water splashed on the floor... from them choking..."
"And you... think about that, when you take a pill?" Chloe asks, joining Lil at the table.
"Sometimes, yeah..."

"What about that makes you anxious?" Lil questions, trying to get more information so she can try to understand how you feel.
"Cause you're scared you're gonna choke?" Chloe asks, leaning over to put her chin on her hands.
"Something like that... it's stupid, I know, I know..."
"I feel like there's something more to this," Chloe says, turning her head a bit more to look directly at you.
"That person who choked... was, um... sick... really sick..."

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Chloe says, a look of sympathy on her face.
"Was?  Are they better now?" Lil asks, perking up in curiosity.
"No, no... not exactly..."

There's a moment of silence.  You swallow the little Vitamin D pill. You know Chloe and Lil know what you're talking about, even though none of you are saying it.

"Y/N... what happened?" Lil asks.

"He, um... died..."

"Oh my God, I am so sorry, my love."
"I'm sorry, baby," Chloe adds, coming to stand next to you. Lil comes over and takes your hand in hers.

"He was my uncle... Today is actually, um... the 11th anniversary of his death..."
"Oh my God, Y/N! How come you didn't tell us earlier?" Chloe asks, moving a piece of hair out of your face.

"I didn't want to look like I was begging for sympathy -- that's why I hate telling people the story of how my uncle died when I was ten. I don't want anyone's sympathy, and I don't want to look like I do. If I tell someone randomly, it's because I'm sad about it, I want a hug, or I just want to talk about it... or all three."
"Y/N..." Lil says as you throw your arms around the both of them. You guys stay like that for a few seconds until you pull away to continue talking.

"You see, I'm not one of those people who find out someone dies once every five, six, seven years. I don't just cry at first and then after the funeral, I never think about it again. I don't just feel nothing. I don't sit on it forever. No. No, not at all. I'm a little bit of all of those things combined.  Everyone is always sick or injured in my family. My entire life.  There are always at least three people sick, injured, and/or dying -- usually more. I'd say three months don't go by without someone ending up in the hospital -- whether it's a fall, an illness, a surgery, something, anything... you know? I'm just... used to it. Every day I get anxious or even physically jump when the phone rings, and I hate answering calls before, like, 11:30 am, or after 8:00 pm. Yeah, I know very well that's not that early or that late, but you never know when something could be wrong..."

"Y/N..." Lil says.

"When someone dies, I cry at first. A lot. Then I make myself stop crying by convincing myself that the person who died wouldn't want me to be sad. It hurts so much that I push the person out of my head 24/7 -- starting ten minutes after I find out they die -- and I do my absolute, very best not to even remember that they existed. Then I remember them literally years down the road when I'm depressed and I can't cry even though I want to. I make myself think of all the people I've lost, and I can cry for hours. I'm not kidding, trust me.

"You know, when my uncle died, I guess I didn't really understand his death as much as I thought I did... and then, when I was 15, the week of the fifth anniversary of his death came along, and I... re-grieved him, if you could say that. I cried every night for a week for hours, just reliving every memory -- the good and the bad -- that I could possibly find in the very back of my mind..."

Chloe and Lil just look at you and give you one last hug. You end up falling asleep that night on the floor watching your comfort movie with them, just right there in their arms.

They're your safe haven.
Your happy place...

Your home.

word count: 1080
sorry, this was kinda just like a vent... lolll
requests ?
hope you enjoyed, my love! <33