March 31, 2022
Thursday
Dear diary:
It's too late at night. Wala lang trip ko lang mag star gazing. Malay ko, minsan nasabay nalang ako sa flow. Nag usap kami ng pinsan ko kahapon, bonding as a friend, sibling what ever you define it.
I wake up, yung gigising ka palang pagod kana. Im trying to be okay, everyday. Kasi ayukong atakihin na naman ako ng anxiety. Ayukong lumabas yung pangit na ugali ko tapos sa iisang tao ko lang ibubuhos lahat.
Did you, did you experience what I feel right now? Back to the fucking topic honey.
We talk about Sylves yesterday. Tawang tawa siya when I tell her na ako ang nag simula ng lahat. First move, what ever you call it. Wala lang ano namang paki ko kung ako yung gumawa no'n? Kahit babae ako, kaya kong mag first move basta gusto ko yung tao. Damn, it's sound obsession right? Yah Im obsessed with him, until now.
After that nawala yung tawa naming dalawa when her instinct, that fucking instinct ay bigla nalang lumabas. Ayuko ng instinct niya king ina na yan!.
"You know how my instinct is. Asher. Asher, ikaw ang mangiiwan sakaniya!" She said while tapping my guitar. I know she's serious about it. I know her, ofcourse.
Ako yung nag simula pero ako ang tatapos? That word. Sinabi din niya yan last night.
Halo-halo na yung nararamdaman ko, until now. Overthink, obsession, maybe takot.
I'm scared losing him.
I'm scared na ako din yung tatapos.
All her instinct ay nag kakatotoo. For the past 15 years? I know she's my guide. But I'm her armor and savior, tsk.
Night
—gia lang
