Looking Back

1 - Paige

"Babe, are you even listening to me?" I ask through the phone. I guess I'm starting to sound aggravated because my boyfriend of nine years looks at me.

He nods his head a smiles a little. "Yes, of course. You're nervous about your first day, don't know what to wear, or what to say, or what to expect," he repeats back with a wave of his hand. My heart sinks a little. "You should just take the day as it comes, Paige. No sense in worrying."

I pull my hair back behind my ears, wondering how it got to be this way. We used to be so close. And I could tell him anything without worrying about being too much of a bother.

For a moment, I sit and think what else has changed since he moved away. Long distance relationships are not for the weak and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Once we're together it's always so much better.

I hear a scoff, followed by an "Asshole" from in front of me that pulls me back from my depressive thoughts and notice my sister looking back at me through the rear view mirror. I suddenly flush red at the thought her and her fiancé having heard my outburst. We're currently out making some last minute touches for their wedding and they insisted that I come. While we were at the flower shop, Caleb had a few minutes before he needed to go back to work and we took this opportunity to call. Since then I wish I had told him I would call him back later. He seems very preoccupied at the moment.

Caleb hears my sister as well and his eyes narrow. "Are you not at home?"

I shake my head, pursing my lips. "No, Caleb. I told you I'm helping them with–"

"It doesn't matter," he cuts off. "I have to go, babe."

I nod silently and we say goodbye. He's off my screen seconds later.

It didn't always used to be like this. Nine years is a long time to be with someone. I still love him. He's the only guy I've ever been with. But sometimes it's as though we're not on the same page anymore. It's not like this can be addressed. He's halfway across the country. I'm grateful he even remembers to call at this point. I find myself looking forward to my birthday next weekend. He's supposed to fly down so we can all celebrate together.

"I honestly don't know what you still see in him, Paige," Alex says and I roll my eyes. "He was so rude to you just now. And you always hang up looking worse."

I shake my head because I don't want to have this conversation.

Noah turns to look at me from the passenger side and offers me a sympathetic smile. "Maybe he's having a long day," he offers. "Did you decide what cake tastes better?"

As her thoughts get pulled to the upcoming wedding, my phone vibrates in my hand.

Caleb: I love you. I hope you have a great first day of work. I'll call you again tomorrow.

I smile and all the doubts from before leave my mind in an instant. We're doing the best we can while being hundreds of miles away. Some days look better than others, sure. But we'll make up for it all when he's in town next weekend.

I have myself fully convinced by the time we pull up to the catering venue.

~*~

Five Years Earlier
Turning 18 was let out to be a much bigger deal than this. I sit outside of the old Franklin farm and allow myself to mope. He said he'd be here.

I'm aware I look ridiculous. The birthday girl in the most extravagant party dress possible sitting out her own birthday party.