Looking Back

3 - Paige

"I just don't understand why everything has to become an argument with you," Caleb says angrily into the phone. "I was just calling to wish you luck today."

I pinch the bridge of my nose and shut my eyes. Caleb called me this morning before I took off for work and we've been arguing ever since. "Okay," I tell him quietly. "That's all you had to say. And I would have thanked you and the conversation would have gone very differently. But then you had to-"

"God, Paige," he cuts me off. "Sometimes I feel like you want things to go horribly wrong between us. Why are we always fighting?"

Why are we always fighting? We love each other very much but things have not been the same since he left. Our eyes meet through the FaceTime and he lets out a low sigh. "I'm sorry, Paige. I wanted to make you feel good before you went in, not start an argument."

I look around my small apartment and hold back tears. "I miss you," I tell him sadly.

A beat, then, "I miss you too. I'll be seeing you in six days though. And we'll make up for lost time." And I choose to believe him because I am actually am looking forward to seeing him this coming weekend.

~*~

By the time I made it to work, Caleb and I had already smoothed things over and I was in a much better mood. I pull into the hospital parking lot and am immediately greeted by my sister holding two cups of coffee. "Good morning, coworker," she says brightly and I can't help but match her smile. "The Starbucks line was so long I almost took it personal."

I laugh and thank her for her sacrifice. As we walk inside, I grow more nervous. I didn't go to school for nursing. I had originally wanted to be an editor. My sister encouraged me to be a little more realistic so I double majored in nursing and English.

My sister notices my steps have slowed and turns to look at me. "Are you okay?"

I nod, wiping my hand on my coat. "I just got really nervous for some reason."

She gives an encouraging smile. "Come on, we're inside. The worst part is over."

"Coming in to work?" I ask with a raised brow. She doesn't answer me but I see her smile.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly. After Alex walked me to my department, I introduced myself to my coworkers and they help me get settled in for the day.

I was sitting with my things about to get ready to clock out when Alex knock son the locker room door. She smiles softly. "How was your first day?"

Growing up, Alex, being the older sister, had always been more of a parental figure in my life. Our parents were never around and she took it upon herself to look over me. I never took it personally, I was always appreciative of her. We are only eleven months apart so the closeness in age also made us really close friends. When she helped me get this job, I know it was her of looking after me. It was part of our deal. I can double major in college but my first job after graduation has to be at the hospital. AndI love medicine. But sometimes I wish I were more assertive like Alex, especially when it came to things like my career. "It was good," I answer, switching my sneakers for boots.

She takes a seat next to me. "You don't hate me?" she asks jokingly, but I can tell she's hoping I don't resent her for having made a deal with me in the first place.

"Of course not," I say with a laugh. "It was a good day."

She watches me throw a sweater on over my tank top. "I think I'm pregnant."

I glance at her through the mirror. I don't know what to tell her so I stay silent.

"We didn't plan for this," she continues. "I told Noah last night and we didn't really discuss it in depth but I think we're okay."

Had I not been so close to her, I probably would have congratulated her and we would have gone on with our day. But the way she's telling me this, I get the feeling she needs to get something off her chest.

And she looks like she wants to tell me. But I also won't push her if she doesn't. She swallowed the rest of her words and looked at me through fearful eyes.

Knowing she'll just tell me whatever it is that is bothering her whenever she's ready, I give her a hug and congratulate her. "You're going to be an amazing mom." For a moment, I think I see guilt flash through her eyes before it's masked with relief. Just as quickly as it came, it was gone.

~*~

For dinner that night, Alex insists that I join her and Noah at their apartment. When I knock on the door, dessert in hand, Noah opens the door. His eyes goes from the cupcakes to the messy bun on top of my head and finally meet mine.

"Hey, Paige," he greets me. I used to love the way he said my name. He didn't say it often. Out of the four of us in high school, Noah and I were probably the most distant. We didn't talk very much and when we did, it was often followed by periods of animosity on his part. He and Caleb were best friends in the same way my sister and I were best friends. Once I started dating Caleb, though, things kind of changed for us in the sense that Noah would not want to be part of our group anymore, or if he was, he never seemed like he never wanted to be here. It wasn't until he started dating my sister the summer before college that we all sort of got into a groove around each other. But by then, Caleb was getting ready to move. After Caleb left, I saw more of Noah and Alex, in part because they were dating and also because Alex refused to let me be alone at the house without Caleb. Since then, it's been the three of us. Except for when Caleb flies into town, then we all fall back into our pre-college rhythm.

I follow him towards the kitchen and set my plate down before moving to grab for a glass of water. "Congratulations on your baby," I tell him.

He seemed surprised that I knew but then remembers my sister tells me virtually everything. "Thank you." A few moments pass, "Alex should be down shortly. She was getting changed." I wave him off as to signify that its not a big deal and he takes a seat on the kitchen bar stool. "So how are you and Caleb?"

He asks this question slowly. Like he's not sure what terms we're on. "We're good," I reply with a nod. "Sorry you guys had to hear part of that conversation yesterday."

This time, he dismisses me. I see something flash across his face, much like my sister this afternoon when she looked like she wanted to tell me something. For a moment, I think he will but then Alex enters the kitchen with a wide smile on her face. "Hello to my two favorite people," she says excitedly. She offers her fiancé a kiss and gives me a hug. "I was thinking lasagna for tonight."

We both not in approval. "Perfect," she states, grabbing the pasta from the pantry.

Noah looks at me for another moment, his eyes not leaving mine. His eyes have always looked at you with meaning. It's impossible to look away. He doesn't say anything though and moves to help his future wife in the kitchen.

Authors Note:

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xxx