Burgundy || HS

vingt en un

Burgundy by Harry Styles

DEDICATION

The only thing that stands out in my list of sins is this continuous fire. Her name is Jane, and no matter what amount of alcohol, drugs, or sleep I can take, I can't seem to erase her name. Jane. Jane. Her name reminds me of the impending doom we are all to face when we die, yet the joyous time we can have before the inevitable. She makes me afraid to die; not because I would, in fact, be dead and the world would miss so much with my departure, but because she would be sat on the earth without my egotistical nonsense to keep her balanced.

Jane. Inspiration of this book, the fire of my sins. Maybe she will forgive me.

Chapter One Preview

OCTOBER 23RD

I have thus far to unearth a being that can transfix me into less of a horrendous person as she had. She paved my road to unadulterated desolation with her love of false words in hundreds of pages and perfectionist tendencies―or, in laymen's terms; books and existing.

I had mused over her, as any other man would, and saw her as a single woman in her early years with a tight skirt and skin that hugged her bones in a tight asphyxiation, suffocating her organs to make her seen skinnier. And though it might not have been intentional, I wonder if she knew how many meals she skipped.

A muse was what she was originally meant to be, not a love―never a love. Jane was anything but someone a person could love, but it seemed I had to glance past the excessive tapping of her pencil and the stick lodged up her tight behind for me to find love inside of her.

Granted, she despised the thought of her and I sharing the same air the minute she watched me choose the book she hated. Then, she found out that book was written by me, so she automatically hated me, too. And that was okay.

My thoughts on women were fabricated for the longest time. I was a biased, self-centered, and untaught man. I respected the women of my family, just not the rest of the world. I'd learned that from my father who spent many night out and about with my mother hanging onto the edge of the bed in prayer.

(That was also around the time I realized either God sucked, or he figured my mother would find a way out eventually. And, she did. The easy way out.)

He told me a lot of things with whiskey and stripper lathering his lips and the occasional white powder on the tip of the nose we shared. I suppose I shouldn't have listened to him. With the thought that the drunks were always right and they only got drunk because no would would listen to them, I took his words as truth and applied them to a lifestyle I was no prepared for.

I had yet to know how to me famous, let alone loved. Jane presented me what it was like to be love through her wide collection of books, too short pajama shorts, and collection of sweatshirts from colleges she didn't even like. Over so many nights of Burgundy wine, discussing her origin, etc. I still don't know why she agreed to all those nights of persistent near begging if she hated me.

But, through her abhor towards me and the rejection of what could've been our first kiss, I believe Jane did learn to love me. Or, rather, I tell myself that.

This first day of encountering Jane, she looked up at me from her desk and computer, sitting completely alone. She noticed that I was too sitting alone, I could feel her eyes on me while I read my own book. It makes me wonder what would have happened had I not written that first monstrosity.

Would I have lazily walked into Oakheart Public Library? Probably not. I wouldn't even be in New York. I'd be in the ass crack of England with a cat that I would not like for the life of me and a college education that I did not want.

Thank God for my somewhat mediocre writing ability.

Thank God for Jane.

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only the epilogue left... I'm so happy for this to be over tbh. I just rewrote this all plus the epilogue, so it's fresh and the way I want it lmao

I love you all and thx for surviving this story ??????? the epilogue will probably come later tonight or tomorrow, I just really want this story to say "Completed" on it, if I'm being honest. tbh I might quit either before or after Firmament is done, but let's not dwell. I love you, thanks man !!!!