The Promise We Couldn't Keep

2

TPWCK:
TWO

…………

OUR lips barely touched at first, too tentative, too uncertain what’d happen to us or what our action entailed, especially with our friendship on the line. One wrong move and the bond we’d painstakingly built over the years might be ruined. But before I could think further about the stake, he gripped the hair at the back of my head and angled my face to the side, enough for him to devour my lips, his other hand cupping my cheek.

The back near the top of my head rested against the cold wall as the case with my pulsing shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his neck for support after my knees had turned into jelly. I’d never tried illegal drugs before, but at this moment my whole body felt as though the alcohol I’d taken was boiling under my skin and gushing through the pores, ballooning my soul until I was left watching as it floated above us while my body switched to autopilot. His lips, soft like his soul, so unlike the rest of him that was all hard and muscles, tasted like a legal addiction.

I was flying yet at the same time free-falling and melting from the hardness of his lips against mine, from the wet heat of his muscles gluing on mine. The shy kisses I stole from experimenting boys throughout my years couldn’t begin to compare the taste of his lips and the feeling of him against me. Fernan was showcasing to me his experience in kissing; the indignation suddenly hit me hard, making me confused and surprised.

But the loss when he broke free from the kiss hit me harder and fast, and it was as though I’d been slapped back into reality. Several thoughts raced inside my head but they muted when Fernan rested his forehead against mine. His breath reeked of alcohol, and I was hard. Still hard.

“I thought you’re straight,” I whispered, still catching my breath.

“I am,” he whispered back as breathlessly as I.

His hand clenched at the hair just above my nape, while the other clenched the side of my throat. I got the feeling that he wanted to squeeze me real tight right now until I ran out of air but he was restraining himself.

It wasn’t a comforting thought, but I’d be lying to myself if I said it didn’t thrill me.

Then, his hands unclenched.

“Or I was,” he said through his breath. “Maybe never. I don’t know. I never said I was. Plus, I still like Cindy like I like all my exes, but I also really like you. I like you a lot, and it’s getting harder to deny that you’re more than just a friend to me.”

He pulled his head back, placed and enough distance between us to look closely into each other’s eyes. His screamed the words he’d said, drowning me in an overwhelming feeling of elation I’d no idea where it was coming from. So, did I like Fernan more than just a friend too? If the deep longing and joy I felt right now tell me anything, then yes. Probably. But had I always liked him? I’d no idea. Was it because I’d always believed he was straight and I had no chance with him that I denied looking at him with the eyes of a lover, even though I had the heart of one? Highly likely.

“I like you, Samuel. I like you so much.”

“I like you too, Fernan.”

His lower lip trembled and his eyes welled up with tears. Maybe because of the water that was still showering upon us. We’d probably wasted too much water already.

“But we’re the bestest of friends. Rinia, you, and I. What’s gonna happen if the two of us . . .” I gestured to us two.

His thumbs stroked the crook of my neck and the back of my head respectively, while his eyes kept on searching from mine. I felt happy and constipated from the intimacy. The gentle back-and-forth of his fingers turned me on.