The Promise We Couldn't Keep

7

TPWCK:
SEVEN

…………

IT had been a month and a half since my home cut off all means of communication with me. I’d tried reestablishing communication, reaching out to him in whatever means I could think of, but he shunned me away.

I wished I could tell him how much I missed him. He was just right there, standing in front of me, but I couldn’t reach him.

Not anymore.

I couldn’t tell Rinia the regression of our relationship. She’d take drastic measures as the bridge she’d always played the role of and pull off anything in her arsenal to sew the rift, but the process would only break her this time. I felt like this wasn’t something anyone could fix. We were heading to the inevitable end of our friendship, and I couldn’t bear to watch her struggle to fix my mistakes.

I could tell my parents. They loved me. However, they’d find out immediately Samuel and I were dating. I didn’t trust myself to talk about him without putting my heart on my sleeve, especially not when I was at my rawest, and mom wouldn’t miss out on a single hint of affection in my voice. I’d never talked to them about Samuel all these years for this reason. It was cowardly, but the other choices offered me no favorable future.

The chair squeaked softly as I sat on the chair from across my mother who was busy peeling an apple. She was wearing her corporate clothes, a pair of bronze earrings dangling from her ears while she was tilting her head to a side, humming a tune I’d never recognized.

Clasping my hands on the table, I took a deep breath and exhaled a portion of my anxieties. “Mom?”

Even to my ears, my voice sounded croaked, as if I’d just been crying. This caught my mom’s attention, and she regarded me with her stare, the apple now swaying half-peeled on the porcelain plate before her.

“Yes, sweetie?” she asked, her brows drawn together. She was beautiful even as she looked worried.

Dad, who was probably in the clinic now, told me once how I took most of my facial features from her: thick brows and eyelashes, framing small eyes; sharp face; soft and smooth pale skin; reddish plush lips; and pointed nose. He, on the other hand, shared with me his growth sprout on both height and muscles.

“Nothing?” I said, the uncertainty obvious even to my ears.

“I’m afraid I can’t take that for an answer, sweetie. I’ll need you to tell me what’s bothering you right now, so I’ll know what I’m supposed to do.”

Nodding dejectedly, I took a deep breath. “Remember when I was eight and I got caught cheating on an exam?”

Her confusion grew at the question, but she still nodded without hesitation. This was mom, after all. She was calculating and overanalyzing, traits she shared to me. “Yes. The teacher called us the next day to report the incident. But what about it? Surely you’re not this bothered only by something that happened 11 years ago?”

I shrugged and avoided her gaze. It did bother me. No, it was bothering me. Although not for the same reason she may be thinking. After her talk with the teacher that day, she’d come to me. I was embarrassed by myself for cheating and for getting caught, and was psyching up for her chastisements. It had felt like I’d failed my parents. It hadn’t mattered to me that I failed myself that time too. But rather than scolding, she’d knelt on both knees and hugged me tightly.