What I became by life

Every day for as long as I can remember, my brother used to tell me that he wanted me to be the beautiful girl my mom raised me to be. The funny thing about that was: mom and dad were dead. I had almost been fourteen when it happened. I was at school, having my birthday party, when everyone gets quiet and looks at me, my teacher had a phone in her hand. I was siting on the table, drinking a Cola-Champang, she looks at me and starts to cry.

"What happened?" I ask, but I already knew. The plane had fallen and mom and dad had died. After that, I never left my room-just to eat and go to the bathroom-and I remember this one day...when I couldnt take the pain anymore. I had seen this little history thing about how you could ease the pain by thinking on something else, I had tried, I had put on War of Change, by Hundred Foot Krutch, that didnt work. Mom was dead, my dad was dead, my older brother was my last resort, because we loved each other a lot. But, what was the point? I went out of my room, I knew-I was blinded-a solution.

"Rosie, you came out of your room." my brother-Liam-had breathed. I was dressed up, a pretty black shirt that had splashed words over it with green paint:

GREEN DAY!!! AMERICAN IDIOT

I had bought it last summer for seven bucks. My ripped black jeans and lavender converse. My pink and black hair was up in a pony tail and I had my wallet in one hand. "I mean, well, where are you going?" he said. Liam wasnt the type to be the rude big brother everyone had, mine was a sweetheart, too bad I was...well, you would see.

"I wanted to...well, I just wanted to go out, around the park, where me and mom used to go." I lied, and smiled a little. "Then, to the store, so I could buy some stuff for school. Jess-" my best friend. "Called, I needed some papers and pens for an up-coming project. No big thing." he reached on his multiple pockets.

"Here, I'll give you twenty-" before he opened his wallet, I waved my hands at him.

"No, no, no," I said hastily. I didnt want to use his money for my own problem. And it wasnt my problem-I used to think-it was my solution. "I have my own."

"Are you sure-?"

"Yeah, I'll be back in a few," before I could open the door, I turned to him. It was our last time together, Liam, good bye. I ran to him and jumped to his arms, hugging him pretty hard.

"Wow, I'm just going to Mike's drum lessons, not to Mars, kiddo." he laughed. As I let him go, he planted a kiss on my cheek. "See ya at night, Rosie, be good to the store, you know how they ask a lot about mom and dad." I smiled and left.

***

By 7:03, I came into my room and wrote a little note:

You were the best brother ever, I love you and I always will. I'll take care of you while I can. I'll tell mom and dad about you're good brothering, if that's a thing, I think?
With love and sisterly kisses,
Rosie.

I sat on my rocking chair, looking at my wrist for what seemed an eternity, and began to think of mom and dad, I got a headache, so I took some Advils and drank what was left of the container, maybe fifteen or sixteen of them. I sat again, watching as my vision went dark and bright at the same time. I felt dizzy, so when I got up, I stumbled. I took out my little razor and snapped it, getting a little cut on my finger while I did so. But, I laughed. Stupid razor, it thinks it can hurt me. But I didnt feel it. I took one and put it to my wrist, again and again and again, until I lost my strength in my fingers. I felt my body fall, I think it was on my bed. But, I saw shadows, trying to take me, I arched my back up, so they could. That was all I wanted, darkness ... I remember how I used to know people that had commited suicide more than once, and had lived to tell me that they hadnt felt anything. I also always thought that they had been lying.