The Day the World Lost a Legend - Honoring Kurt Cobain

April 5th, 1994

Trigger Warning: mentions of suicide, mentions of death, mentions of r*pe and SA (briefly), cussing

This is also pretty cheesy, just warning you.

How can someone mourn someone they've never met? How can someone mourn someone they didn't even live during the same time as?

I don't really know quite how it works. But I manage it just fine.

So. Today is actually a really important and sad day for me. Today is April 5th, and on this day in 1994, Kurt Cobain took his life. He was only 27. I can't believe it's almost been 30 fucking years since he's been gone. He's officially been dead more years than he was alive. 28 years.

It was really big news. Nirvana (the band he was a lead singer, guitarist, and creator of) was one of the most popular bands under the rock genre of music ever. Nirvana basically created the genre grunge and they are still so influential to this day.

Nirvana is my favorite band. Has been since I was in the 5th grade. And Kurt Cobain is one of my favorite people in the entire world. He had the most lovely personality, he was sweet, shy, sensitive, empathetic, open-minded, artistic, creative and real. What you saw on the stage was who he really was, his close friends said. He sang so he could make a difference. He didn't want to be "cool," he wanted to make a difference in the world through his music. This man was a man who stopped playing in the middle of a concert, who threw his guitar down, so he could help someone who was being s*xually assaulted in the audience. This man said that he didn't want sexist, racist, and homophobic people buying his records. He called himself a feminist because he was disgusted by how women are treated. He wore dresses to performances and didn't have a problem with showing affection or even kissing other guys, even though he wasn't gay. He said that he wished he was gay so he could piss off the homophobes. He was so amazing and progressive. Kurt Cobain was so unique and special. He seemed like he had such an old soul and was wise beyond his years. We'll never have someone quite like him again. We had him for less than three decades, and we ruined one of the best people to walk this Earth. He was one of a kind.

I honestly can't describe how much I love him. It isn't like a crush or anything. No, it's purely platonic. It isn't really even a crazed fangirl obsession, either. At least not like Nico or Loki or Sirius or any of those. I can feel him in a way I've never quite felt with anything. This is different. I just love him, plain and simple. I feel very connected to him on an emotional level. I keep finding more things that we have in common every day and I feel like I can really understand and resonate with certain parts of who he was. He's my idol, my hero. Someone I can relate to in some ways, someone I strive to be, someone I can learn from and learn from his mistakes. I can't even properly describe to you how I feel about him, just that it's powerful and intense, raw and painful. I don't care if I sound crazy (I know I do) I just know that this is what I feel, and no matter what anyone says, it's fucking valid.

It really hurts me, every day practically, that I live in a world without him. He died before I was born, so I was never able to be alive while he was. We were 13 years off from living at the same time. It hurts me that I'll never have the chance to see him in person. That I'll never hear Nirvana live in concert. When I was at the Imagine Dragons concert last month, one of the reasons I bawled my eyes out was because I'll never have the amazing experience that I had with Imagine Dragons, I'll never have that with Nirvana. I'll never feel the beat of the music vibrate through my body, never hear his voice in front of me, never see him walking just a little ways from me. I'll never be so close to him that I can almost touch him. I'm insanely jealous of the people who got to have that. I'm jealous of the people who lived in a world with him. When I look at the world now, I feel like we need him now more than ever. If he was still here, I feel like I would have more hope in this world. He was gone too soon.