T.S.

Diana age 19: May 1916

I blew out the match. The end of our cigarettes burned a bright amber as the moon rose. Guns and bombs set off in the distance and all I could think about was my Tom. He'd kept his promise but they seemed empty, like he was telling a story about some other Tommy Shelby. He's recently taken a liking to the name Tommy, Said Jeremiah had re-christened him with it. Jeremiah had also taken a liking to Christianity and was now devout. John had to come to the infirmary recently. He'd been pulled out of a tunnel the Germans had collapsed on him. The tunnels had collapsed more and more since Christmas and they had to be on high alert for any of the noises or tell-tale signs that the Germans knew where they were. Ada's letters were becoming more and more infrequent as were Tom's. But occasionally hers would come through with questions about Freddie. Freddie still sent letters for her through me; he still didn't know if Tom approved of it. Jayden had married Paul late February after Martha's kid was born. I cried when she sent me their picture. I had missed out on so much, just as much as the boys. After the cig, Joy and I retired inside to prepare the boys for the next pick-up and eat our sandwich dinners. The food was abysmal. "Oh... Happy Birthday Di." says Joy from the station briefly looking at my file and snapping it shut. I blush, "Thanks."

We go to bed as the night nurses swap onto the floor and Matron comes to my room. "Happy Birthday nurse." She stalks away in a troglodytic-like manner and leaves me to fall into a restless sleep. In my dream, I see Tom, John, Arthur, Fred and Jeremiah sing me a happy birthday at a table with the Shelby women; The cake has candles and the babies are lining up around me eager to blow them out. Tom hugs me from behind and I look down at my pregnant belly smiling. The image stays with me until I wake up and then it plays again and again and again. The next day, I don't leave my bed and Joy doesn't come to wake me.