The Ambassador's Daughter

Rejection

I stood there alone in the darkness, devastated, my face soaked with tears. My prince had abandoned me. His eyes were wet, but was it all a lie? Had he used me? Did he ever love me? What else had he lied about? Could I end up with a child in my belly? I was such a fool! I collapsed onto the grass and sobbed. I sobbed until I fell asleep.

"FLOOOOOORAAAAA!"

I woke to the sound of my name being called.

"FLOOOOOORAAAAA!"

I sprung up in a panic. Father and Mother were calling for me. I heard other voices. They must have gathered a search party for me. I could not risk being seen as a fool who was used and tossed aside. Father would never believe I had gotten lost, either, knowing I had visited here many times before. I had to think quickly. I saw the rocks at the side of the stream. Some of them looked just big enough and just loose enough for me to use. I checked a few, then found the perfect one. I needed two hands to lift it, but it was worn smooth, reducing the likelihood that it would break my skin. I quickly washed the mud off of it then sat down, pulled my skirts up, and positioned my left ankle just so. I closed my eyes, bit my lip, and brought the rock down onto it with great force. I muffled my yelp as best I could, but I could not hold back my tears of agony. Recovering as quickly as I could, I hurled the rock back toward the stream. With an injured ankle, it would make perfect sense that I could not make it back.

"HELP! I AM OVER HERE! HELP!"

I heard footsteps approaching. Father and Mother ran toward me once they saw me.

"Oh, Flora! What happened?" Mother consoled me.

"I went for a walk, then I tripped on something and fell. I hurt my ankle. I tried to stand on it but it hurts too much. I may have broken it."

"Oh, my poor little girl!" Mother coddled.

"Flora, you need to be more careful," Father scolded me.

"Not now, dear. You can scold Flora later."

Father turned and pointed to someone and waved for him to come over. "You, there! Come carry my daughter." He spoke in the native language. Father had learned some key terms and phrases to make life a little easier.

I saw the silhouette in the light of the lantern Father was carrying as the man he had given orders to began to approach. It was my warrior--Jimin. He scooped me up with ease and carried me back to the palace, my father, mother, and others following close behind.

As he carried me. I tried not to stare, but I could not help it. My eyes kept landing back on him. He was so handsome. I noticed him glance at me every now and then and I would quickly look away. His mysterious brown eyes bore through me making my heart leap. Father had him bring me into a room and set me on a settee. Immediately, Father carefully lifted my skirts just enough to reveal my ankles. Luckily, my bruise had already begun to form. The interpreter sent for the royal physician to come and examine it. Surely enough, I had fractured it. The physician bandaged it tightly to stabilize it, and Father had Jimin carry me to our carriage so we could return home. I looked at him to thank him. "Maeu gamsahabnida." Jimin kept his eyes lowered as I spoke to him. He bowed, turned, and left.

When we got home, Father and his valet helped me out of the carriage. He had the maids set me up on the main floor, bringing pillows and blankets to the parlor. The sofa would become my new bed until I was healed enough to bear weight on my ankle.

The next day, a letter arrived from the crown prince addressed directly to me. Father was away and mother was busy fretting over which dress to wear to tea at the French ambassador's home later that week. My maid, Da-eun, brought it directly to me. It was a good thing, too.

Dearest Flora,

I heard of your unfortunate injury last night in the palace gardens. My sincerest apologies. I should have escorted you back to the palace like a gentleman to ensure you made it back safely. Please forgive me.

I also beg that you forgive my transgressions. I am in the unbearable position of having to choose between love and duty. There is much tension in the palace. Many countries seek to profit from the Joseon kingdom. Some even seek control. Duty must prevail for the survival of my kingdom. I must put the people I serve first. I must sacrifice love.

As for your proposition, you do not truly realize what you are offering. As much as I despise having to sacrifice love, I must ask that you do the same. I cannot ask you to ruin your future for me. I will not allow it. We must not meet again. My love for you is too strong and my self-discipline is too weak to survive time alone with you. Tragedy will be the inevitable result. I have already caused you too much pain. Know that you are forever in my heart.

Yours for Eternity,

Namjoon

I burned the letter. I never wanted to see him again. I could never forgive him for what he had done. He told me he loved me. He told me to trust him. I let him touch me. I let him pleasure me. I was ready and willing to give myself to him fully--to be his lover. And he abandoned me.

I found myself thankful that I had broken my ankle. Thankful that I was unable to walk. It excused me from having to go to visit the queen or anyone else for that matter. I was in no position to be taking tea. Instead, I poured myself back into my studies. I decided to focus most of my energy on learning the language and learning how to behave like a proper Joseon lady. I even convinced Father to buy me more hanbok, explaining it would impress the king and queen if I did not wear the same one to the palace over and over again. I wished to assimilate--to blend in as best I could. It was part of my plan to feel a sense of belonging. I became excited about learning again.

Crown Prince Namjoon's wedding came and went. I was thankful to be able to avoid the event due to my ankle. I was healing well but could only walk for short distances. Mother and Father came home to find me knee-deep in my studies. Still on a high from the glorious event, Mother interrupted me to rave about the beauty of the bride and how lucky she was to have married the crown prince. I did my best to nod and go along with her excitement, but I became bitter. I cried all night long. The next morning, I did not get out of bed. Mother came to check on me. She assumed I had contracted a summer cold because of my red eyes and nose. I stayed in bed the rest of the day as she and Da-eun doted on me.

Coinciding with Crown Prince Namjoon's marriage, my excitement for learning gradually began to fade. I had already become quite fluent in the native language, but I had lost interest in continuing my studies. After several days, my mother noticed and she brought it up to Father. He agreed to let me take a break from lessons. Of course, he had an ulterior motive. He had been working on a business arrangement--that business being my marriage. Father suggested that since I had nearly fully recovered from my injury, mother and I should go on a trip to Busan to visit the southern shore. The summer, finally coming to an end, had been hot, and the cool waters would do me some good. He believed a holiday would lift my spirits and make me more agreeable. According to him, my temperament had grown sour. Most likely he wished to present an amenable and virtuous young lady with a pleasant disposition to the man he had chosen to be my husband in order to increase the likelihood that the man would be interested in asking for my hand in marriage.

It was time for me to plan my escape.