1. How Amy Got Ditched by David in a Dive Deli—While Wearing a Wedding Gown
With astounding agility, Amy Miller sat down on the floor on the rolled up clump of paper towels she’d finally managed to wrangle free from the bathroom dispenser. This was a surprising, if not acrobatic, feat for a big reason: She performed this maneuver in a densely crinolined, Scarlett-O’Hara-in-the-parlor-drapes-wide wedding gown. And if that wasn’t impressive enough, she pulled it off in the tiny ladies’ room of one Katz’s Delicatessen in lower Manhattan. That she had forgotten to wipe down the wall before she sat would become apparent later. Right now, there were more pressing matters to ponder.
It was her wedding day, after all. Or so she had thought.
Ever since Amy was a very little girl, she had big dreams for how this day would unfold. All her life, she had imagined swooshing down the aisle of an ancient church in a sweeping white gown, while glorious streams of sunlight beamed through exquisitely crafted stained glass windows. Of family and friends, shielding their eyes from the heavenly rays bouncing off her goddess-like visage as she sashayed to the massive altar. Of the man of her dreams trembling at the amazing luck he had been blessed with to have made this ethereal being gliding gracefully toward him actually have agreed to marry him.
Instead, she was stuffed like a bag of marshmallows into a shot glass, in a room that had no windows at all, while outside, her confused family and friends waited for the same thing as her. And that thing was David.
David was late. In fact, he was very late. In all the years she’d known him—and this year it would be seven—David had never been known for his promptness, so at least for the first half hour or so, there was no cause for alarm. But now, after nearly two hours more had passed, Amy was starting to doubt him—which she hated. Amy had never doubted David, ever, even if all her friends had. No, there must be something wrong. Maybe he had a car accident? Was run over by the crosstown bus as he tried to get across town? Was swallowed by an alligator that had emerged from the sewer and…
“Amy? Sweetie, can I come in?” It was her best friend, Jane.
“I’m kind of busy in here. It’s not really a good—”
Jane shoved her way through the door. “Oh, Amy,” she sighed. “How you doing, kiddo?”
“I’m okay. I’m fine,” she lied. “I’m just having a little rest.”
“On the bathroom floor?”
“Not many more places I can fit,” she smirked.
“Come on, let me help you up. You look ridiculous down there.”
“Yeah, what else is new?”
Jane reached a hand down and pulled her friend to a standing position.
“So how’s it look out there?” Amy asked.
Jane ran a hand through Amy’s fallen mousy brown bangs. “Oh, you know. It’s fine. Heimlich’s chugging down what must be his thirtieth Jack and Coke—and I think I may have seen him hitting on…” Jane stopped talking when she glimpsed the back of Amy’s gown. “Hey, sweetie, you know you have something stuck—” Jane grabbed the clump of paper towels off the floor and started to wipe off the grease Amy had wiped off the wall with her dress. “Yeah. That’s gonna stain.”
Amy craned her neck to look at the mess. “What else could go wrong?” she sighed.
“So why are you doing this again?”
“Come on, Jane. We’ve been through this before.”
“It’s just that—”
“That what? That I could do better? You don’t think he’s right for me? No offense, but you’re not exactly in the position to be judging other women’s men.”
