Serial Designation

Chapter 6

"Carl, don't touch that."

He was about to touch my TV remote, but I had learned to rig it a few months ago to where if the number zero was ever pressed, it would badly electrocute the holder. I didn't want to see how that would fair with robots.

And fine, I'll say it. I care about Carl's wellbeing.

I dig the chip out of my desk drawer and plug it in to my computer. The red x's appear on the screen again. There's a straight line above each of them, like the chip is making a bored face.

"Ohmygooooood leave me alooooooooone..." the speakers said.

"Alright listen here, you little--" Carl started.

"SHUT IT." The speakers emitted a voice so loud and demonically deep that both Carl and I jumped.

"OHMYGOSH yes of course!" Carl said, and uttered a squeaky "so sorry."

The x eyes focused on me. "What. Do. You. Want?"

I take a deep breath. "Before I tell you, I want you to listen. No interrupting, no earrape music, nothing. Not a word. Understand?"

"Fine--" Carl-2 started.

"AHPAHPAP," I interrupt, "I said not a word. If you were serious about this, you wouldn't say a word."

The eyes on the screen blinked.

"Now," I say, "understand?"

The x's on the screen move up and down, which might've been an attempt at a nod.

I smile, satisfied. "Thank you. Now, as I said earlier, and I'm serious about this: I want to help you guys. That means, no more humans using you, not that they would anymore..." I paused. Carl-2 was displaying a hand next to its eyes. "Yes?"

"As I've said before: I don't want your help. We don't need your help. You humans can say you've changed, you can show you care, but as soon as we Designations show the first sign of friendliness, you'll go right back to using us to do everything. No, shut up." I was about to say something. "I get that you might be different, cause you 'understand us now,' or something, but that's just you. And... you." The x's turned to Carl.

"I'm different because you were taken out of my head," Carl replied defiantly. "If that hadn't have happened, I would still be as mean as you."

"Ouch, oh, such an insult," Carl-2 replied. "Listen, I don't got time for candy-asses like you, so. Bye." A red hand appeared next to the X eyes on the screen, waving us off.

"No, you're the candy-ass," Carl said, under his breath.

"Come again?" Carl-2 said.

"I said: YOU'RE THE CANDY-ASS!" Carl said, shouting suddenly and making me jump.

"NO, YOU'RE A CANDY-ASS!!" the computer's speaker shouted.

Afterward, Carl and Carl-2 were both screaming insults at each other: Carl-2 was saying things I wouldn't dare repeat, and Carl was telling it to shut up while saying something about my mom being a very nice lady.

At this point, Carl was standing and had four metal bug limbs exposed while shouting, when my robot cat Radar entered the room, his ears folded back from all the noise.

Radar was given to my family by my dad's company as compensation for when he died (he literally went for cigarettes and never came back). Radar is mostly painted a dark grey, with yellow and blue highlights on his ears and paws. He has bright, glowing orange eyes, and he wears a blue collar that had a small CAUTION: EXPLOSIVES sign as a tag. His tail is quite large in proportion to the rest of his body, and it's super prehensile, can extend and contract, that kind of stuff. He also has a slight British accent, and he seriously gives off Alfred from Batman vibes.

"What in Optimus's name is going on in here--" He stopped abruptly, spotting Carl, and then promptly whipped his tail forward, the tip opening up to reveal a spike like a harpoon, and stabbed Carl through the chest and pinning him to the wall. Carl seemed indifferent to this and was still shouting back and forth at Carl-2.

"Whoa, Radar, stop!" I say, stepping forward as Radar produced a quite threatening looking gun from an opening on his said and it started humming.

"Miss Malt, this is a Designation, and a threat to everyone in the household. I must dispose of it to keep you safe," Radar said determinedly, still aiming his gun at Carl, who had finally realized that he was pinned to the wall by trying to jump at the computer to kill it.

Carl's eyes went from Radar's tail pinning him to the wall to Radar himself. "Ooh! Kitty!" Carl said, and all his bug limbs retracted as he put his arms out to pet Radar, much like a child.

"Radar, seriously, he's fine, put him down!" I say, "He had, like a, like a chip in his head with a second conscience, that's what the computer is!"

"I WILL END YOU!!" screamed the computer.

Radar didn't let up. It wasn't until I stepped in front of his gun that he stopped charging it.

"Miss, step out of the way," he said warily.

"No," I replied firmly.

"Why are you defending him?"

"Because he's different."

"How can you know for sure?"

"Because... I just do."

"And I was made by the same company who made that monstrosity, so what makes you think I won't snap and kill you??"

I falter at this. Radar seems to realize what he's said, and his eyes glowed a little less menacingly. "The answer," he starts, "is that I would never do that. I was made to defend this family to the end of my life, and (although less preferably) yours. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, and I must do that by eliminating this contamination."

"But, Radar, you don't have to! Carl has had plenty of chances to kill, and Mom and Nix, for that matter, but he hasn't. That should at least say that he deserves a chance."

Radar seemed to contemplate this for a moment. Finally, he reluctantly put away his gun and retracted his long tail, releasing Carl, who gave a small cough as the large hole in his chest immediately healed up.

Radar looked earnestly at me and said, "If you're sure, then I will give it a chance."

"He," I corrected. "His name is Carl."

"Can I pet the kitty?" Carl asked.

"No, peasant," came Radar's immediate answer.

"What were you saying about me being a candy-ass?" Carl-2 said from my desk.

Carl looked angrily at it, and was about to say something before I put my hand up to silence him. I walk over to the computer, both Carl and Radar watching curiously.

"How about this," I say, "I can find a way to give you an entire land to yourself, and the Designations. You guys can live there, only you guys, no humans. But that also means you can't come back to us. How about..." I think for a moment. "Africa?"

Carl-2 pondered this. "Asia."

"Australia."

"Maybe Antarctica, too?"

"Sure."

"Deal."

I reflexively put my hand out to shake on the deal, but Carl-2 just looked at me like I was stupid, so I played it off by scratching my neck instead.

Then Radar promptly emitted a BEEwwEEP, a sound that indicated noise detection around the house.

"Someone's at the door," he said.