They tiptoe to Zander's room. Hailey seems to have gone to sleep after dropping off Bethany, so the house is completely silent.
As Luke brushes his teeth, Zander's already sitting on the bed and reading a book. "Whatghr readirnekrgjng?" Luke asks.
"Pride and Prejudice."
Luke smiles. Zander won't admit it, but he loves books that end happily.
Once he's done with everything, Luke jumps onto the bed. Well, faceplant would be a better word; his nose gets squished by the blankets as Zander sighs.
"I can't believe you still do that."
Luke rolls over and sits up, giggling. He actually doesn't know why he does that, but it's fun.
Zander looks up from his book and huffs. "But...don't stop." Luke can see his ears turning red.
"Can I read with you?"
"Fine," grumbles Zander. Luke can tell there's no real annoyance in his voice. "But we should move closer to the pillows. Unless you plan on sleeping here?"
Luke concedes and the two worm themselves under the blankets, leaning against the pillows. They'd been doing this since they were little kids having sleepovers and building pillow forts, even when his parents weren't so—
"Luke." Zander says. Gently. He's set the book face down on the blankets and used his hands to hold Luke's instead.
That's all Luke needs to snap back into the present. "Sorry for zoning out."
Zander moves slightly closer and stares straight at Luke. The intensity of his eyes is startling, but Luke still finds his eyes pretty. Then again, it feels as if Zander is looking directly into Luke's soul.
"Don't say that," says Zander. "Don't say sorry."
Luke almost apologizes for apologizing but catches himself. Zander's stare lays him bare, taking away any excuses he could've thought of. He can't force himself to look away, can't do anything but feel electrified, exposed like a wire without a casing.
Zander doesn't say anything and neither does Luke. Not for a while.
Then Luke finally breaks the silence. It's not because it's uncomfortable(it is, a little, and he knows exactly what Zander's doing); it's because he's ready. Or as ready as he'll ever be. Zander's aware of the relationship Luke has with his parents. How could he not be, when Luke spends more time here than back at his own house?
"You just want me to say it, don't you?" Luke says. He smiles a little. "I really can't hide from you." Zander just tilts his head, waiting.
"You're right. I was thinking about when we were little kids and—" the words catch in Luke's throat. He doesn't exactly understand why he's getting worked up over this when he usually doesn't. "When my house was more than a place to sleep. That's why I zoned out."
Zander finally lets him look away. Luke looks down at their hands clasped together and realizes that while he is tired, the reason he can't see clearly is because of the tears dripping onto their hands.
"I don't know why I'm crying," Luke mutters. He tries to laugh, but it just comes out warbled. "This shouldn't make me emotional."
"What do you mean?" Zander hisses in return. "I know I started dating an idiot, but you can't be so idiotic to think that you can't open up to me!" He lets go of Luke's hands and wraps his arms around Luke's shoulder blades instead, pulling him with surprising strength into a hug. Luke blinks against Zander's shoulder. Zander still smells a little like pine needles from their walk in the woods earlier, but mostly like something airy—probably his pajamas.
Despite Zander's reassurance, Luke can't help but feel like there are hidden eyes watching him cry. He shoos the tears away as quickly as he can and tries to relax completely into Zander's hug.
"I see you blinking," Zander mutters. "You're not stealthy."
"I don't want to wake anyone up," Luke says. He knows he's already leaving tear stains on Zander's pajamas.
"You know Hailey sleeps like the dead after she watches a movie."
Luke hiccups. The suddenness of it startles him into a real laugh. "But you hate getting water on your clothes." Even as he says it, more tears leak out.
"I don't mind it that much if it's you." It's barely a whisper, but Luke hears it. That's all it takes for him to let himself cry as Zander pats his back.
Maybe this is okay.
Maybe he'll be fine even if he cries.
Zander puts Pride and Prejudice on the cabinet and turns the lamp off. "Should we...lie down?"
Luke nods. He's worried Zander's position is uncomfortable to maintain.
They slide down to the pillows, Zander cupping Luke's face instead of hugging him. His fingers are calloused and worn from years and years of piano and harp, but they're comforting all the same. Luke finds his heart rate is slowing down again.
Zander moves closer, just close enough to kiss the tip of Luke's nose. The gesture makes Luke cry harder. Not because he doesn't like it(he loves it), but because he's not used to being so open. Zander doesn't say anything, just brushes the tears away once in a while.
Luke finally finds that he's out of tears. His cheeks, despite Zander's efforts, have dried up slightly from salt.
"I have to wash my face," he whispers. Zander lets go of him and Luke reluctantly leaves the warmth of Zander's hands and the blankets for the bathroom. As he splashes water on his face(warm, because cold water would wake him up), he catches sight of shadows under his eyes that he hasn't noticed before. Maybe his eyes are just swollen from the crying.
When he gets back in bed, Zander's still awake. Luke glances at the clock on the cabinet; it's nearly one in the morning. They are absolutely not waking up early tomorrow.
Zander kisses him again—this time on the corner of his mouth. Luke returns the favor with a forehead kiss. Moving around suddenly feels like too much work, so he inches his way to rest his head on Zander's shoulder and closes his eyes. He hears Zander shift around slightly before placing a hand on his back.
"...love you," Luke mumbles. He's really, really sleepy now. "And...thank you."
Zander pats his back, murmuring into Luke's hair. "I love you too."
— Fin.
