I stared blankly at the photo of me and Jerome placed on the table beside the bed. I took it and smashed it hard onto the floor, little sharp shards of glass scattered onto the floor. Jaq ran in, Jaq had heard about the news from Jerome, after yesterday he didn't even return home, neither did he take me home, he just left.
"Look at me okay, it's okay, let's go take a warm bath yeah" she reassured me as began to sob silently.
I stripped myself naked in my room as Jaq ran a warm bath for me in the bathroom. I wrapped my white towel around my naked body and walked into the bathroom
"It's okay" she helped me get into the bathroom, she looked away as I got into the bathroom and took off my towel. I slowly sat in the warm water, the water came up to my chest.I began to think of what would it would be like if I had actually delivered Kiana, it made me cry again.
Jaq wiped my tears, before taking the flannel and pouring a small amount of dove soap onto it. She took it began to scrub it onto my skin.
"Thank you...so much" I thanked Jaq who gave me a weak smile.
"No problem man, where's Jerome though?" She asked.
"He left me at the hospital"
"What? You know..if I was your 'boyfriend' hypothetically speaking I'd.."
"You'd what?" I looked at her, we instantly locked eye contact and I could sense some type tension between us.
"Nothing" she chuckles nervously.
"But look, you can't stay here and be sad forever, listen imma take you out today and treat you" She smiles at me.
"Okay" I smiled only a little though.
She finished cleaning me and I dried myself off. I went back into my room and Jaq followed me.
"What dress should I wear?" I asked as she sat down on the bed. Her legs were slightly spread opened.
"That one" she yawned as she pointed to the black bodycon dress.
She notices I'm about to to slip off my towel.
"Aight let me turn around" she turns around.
"No it's cool" I tell her. I felt comfortable with Jaq watching me get changed in, i don't know why. I slip on the black bodycon dress, in which I struggle to get the strap around my shoulder. Jaq notices and comes to help me.
I watch her in the mirror as she helps me, and again I could sense some type of tension between us as she slipped on my strap. The way she looked me up and down just sent all sorts of feelings throughout my body.
I finished getting dressed and we got into the car and set off.
This whole miscarriage thing was the only thing on my mind.
"Jaq?"
"Yeah b"
"Do you happen to know what type of shit Jerome has gotten into with Ghost"
"I mean, yeah, a few months ago one of his guys, died apparently they found him in Thames water or something, him and the guy were mad close, Ghost thinks that Jerome might know who did it"
"Shit" i muttered under my breath, I then remembered the photos of the deceased man that Caroline had shown me, it was all starting to match up.
"What's wrong?" she asks me.
"Nothing..just shocked" I lied.
"Why you even thinking about him? He treated you like fucking shit" she raises a brow.
"I know" I agreed, before looking out the window. I see this one black woman, playfully throw her baby girl up in the air, and kiss her, i watch as they laugh and cuddle eachother. It felt like the universe was rubbing the fact that I had just lost my baby in my face.
I wanted that to be me and Kiana so so so bad. I began to break down again. Jaq stops the car to to hug me.
"You don't deserve this..any of this" she whispers in my ear.
"Look i want you to open up to me and tell me what your feeling right now, you might feel better" she suggests.
"I should've never had this baby with some shit father who isn't there for me 95% of the time, you know what's funny before I went into labor me and him had been arguing" Jaq hands me a tissue.
"You have weird taste in men you know that" she chuckled.
"I know" I let out a small laugh as I wiped my tears using the tissue that Jaq had handed me.
"Find you man that is going to fucking love you more than you love yourself" she looked at me.
"Yeah, yeah your right"
I liked Jaq a lot, there was just something about her, I didn't know how to explain it , she was just the best.
We finally got to the cafe.
"Yo Dawn two cappuccinos please" She ordered for the both of us.
Dawn nodded and smiled then left.
"Hopefully this will make you feel better" she clutches my hands together. There was a connection between us but we were scared to say it out loud.
"Yeah a little bit" I said before my phone began to ring. It was Jerome, I put it back into my purse ignoring it.
"Are you not going to pick that up?" Jaq asked.
"No" i gave her a weak smile.
Jaq was probably the only thing i needed right now.
