The wildflower Lilac

1

Lilacs pov:

I slowly start to wake up. I keep my eyes closed hoping to fall back asleep and have to go back into this awful world. You're probably wondering what I mean- I do not mean it as it's just an awful world because I have to wake up and go to school, I wish that was the case. Ever sense the accident  I cannot leave my house. I can barley function. I can hardly sleep without nightmares of all the awful things that haunt me from my past and from the accident, I get panic attacks and anxiety attacks all the time. It's just Ethan and I though. It's me and him against the world. Also Sam. I slowly open my eyes and get it, I walk over to my bathroom and look myself in the mirror. I have heavy bags under my eyes, I can see most of my bones. I look like a living zombie. I brush my teeth and wash my face after staring at myself some more. I slowly walk into the kitchen terrified that  he  will be there. I close my eyes while I turn into the doorway to the kitchen and hold my breath like I do every time I walk into a room. I slowly open my eyes to see Ethan standing their cooking breakfast. I let out a huge sigh and walk over to the Island and sit on a chair. 

"Goodmorning bug" Ethan says without even turning around from making the last of his eggs.

"Goodmorning" I say sheepishly 

"How did you sleep last night? I see you didn't have no nightmares..." Ethan says while trailing off as if he is worried he slept through one of my nightmares

"No I didn't have one last night. You slept with me and they usually don't happen as long as ypu are with me" I say with a small smile on my face

"Well, that's good bug. I made you some eggs and toast" Ethan says handing me a plate with some eggs and a piece of toast with cinnamon on it, my favorite 

"Yummy, thank you bubba" I say while grabbing the plate

I start to eat some of the egg but I really wanted to be able to eat my toast, so I just eat my toast and get full. I gave Ethan the rest of my egg. He looked sad that I didn't eat it but was happy to see I ate some of it and toast. Ethan gets really worried about my eating and is trying to help me the best he can. I Try really hard to eat it's just really hard. Ethan starts staring at me as I realized i just totally zoned out. He clears his throat-

"Hey bug..." Ethan says sheepishly 

"Ya bubba?" I say nervously. I can tell Ethan wants to tell me something but just can't seem to tell me. He is probably worried how I would react to it. Hell, if I was him I would be scared too. I can't control my reactions or my fear anymore after everything that happened. 

"I have to go to the store to get groceries ... and Sam can't do it because he's out doing a job right now for Spanish Mafia, so..." Ethan says as he is afraid of how I will react

"Oh... so does that mean what I think it does..." I say nervously. All of a sudden it hit me like a truck I would have to leave my house to go to s store full of people with Ethan. I haven't left my house in a month due to the accident. Once I got back from the hospital and I found out he was still out their I have been to scared to leave. I feel my body fill with fear- I can feel the world getting smaller and smaller and the air supply is getting less and less. I started to have a panic attack. I left Ethan pick me up from my chair and put me on the couch. I couldn't see anything but I could hear Ethans voice-

"Baby look feel my heart beat. Match my heartbeat with yours. See- deep breath in and out. In and out, in and out" Ethan said in a clam worried tone. Panic attacks are not a new thing anymore. I get them here and their and Ethan is the only person besides Sam who can clam e down. 

I feel everything coming back to me. I start to calm down and regulate my breath until finally I am ok again. I look at Ethan and he has a sad expression in his eyes but is trying to hide it behind his calming smile. 

Ethan stands up and picks me up bridal style and sets me in the bathroom and starts the bath. I sit their staring at the wall trying to prepare myself to leave my house. Ethan leaves the room and comes back with some clothe for me to wear

"Hey bug, I started the bath for you, ok? I also brought you some clothes to wear also. Don't stress about going to the store, ok? I am always here to protect you. Nothing bad is going to happen and no is going to hurt you, I promise bug." He says in such a sweet tone that It brought a calming sensation to me

I hug Ethan and just let him hold me. I feel so safe when I am with him. That nothing bad will ever happen to me that no one can hurt me that everything will be ok again. 

"Thank you Ethan" I say and hug him tighter

After a couple seconds Ethan gets up and leaves and shuts the bathroom door. I get undressed and get into the bath and relax. After about 30 minutes in the bath, I decided to get out. I brushed my hair and then my teeth. Then I put on the outfit Ethan picked out for me which was a pair of leggings and one of Ethans Nike crew necks and my favorite one which was his grey one. I walk into my room and put on some socks and grab my white high-top converse and head to the living room where I knew Ethan would be. I slowly started to walk in when I her Ethan on the phone, I stopped before Ethan could hear me and I listened in on the conversation he was having-

"I know I know! I cannot just rush something this big!" a long pause while someone was responding back to him, I just couldn't hear "I cannot just rush her into this! It will take time and effort! I do not care that-" I fell down while trying to get closer to hear Ethans conversation and I didn't get to hear the rest of it because next thing I know Ethan is right next to me asking me if anything hurts and how did I fall and I if I was ok. I told Ethan I was fine. 

"Wait, Lilac how did you even end up falling" Ethan says

"I um was trying to um do something and then you know how clumsy I am I fell and then next thing I know here we are talking about it" I could hardly believe what I said let alone believe that Ethan would believe me. I gave him a nervous smile hoping he wouldn't ask more questions especially because he wants me to go to the store with him

"Sure" Ethans says dragging the e at the end. He gives me a questionable look like he doesn't fully believe me, but he knows how stressed I am about having to go to the store. I walk over to the coach and turn on some Netflix and watch some Greys Anatomy. After 2 episodes Ethan comes over and turns off the TV. That bitch- who the hell does he think he is turning off my show- then I remember we still have to go to the store

"hey, bug it's time" Ethans says is a soft tone almost as if he was talking to a child

"Uh ok" I say slowly getting up. Ethan gives me a small smile as if he is proud of me for not throwing a fit like I did last time he tried to get me to leave

I walk over to the door. I am about 6 feet away and I stare at it. Ethan already went put to start the car and turn on the heat because it is fall in NY and it is pretty chilly. I still stand their staring at the outside world as Ethan opened the door and stood their holding it giving me a smile. Ethan then walks over to me and grabs my hands. He brought me into a hug because he could tell how terrified I was to leave the safety and comfort of my home. Ethan whispered some encouraging words in my ear. He pulled away from the hug and still held my hands and I just closed my eyes and let Ethan lead me to the outside world.