T is for Trouble. (English)

Chapter 4.

I've never had a happy family. The places I've grown up were an old, dirty place that we used rather as a motel than a house and my school, which I saw as an escape. Every morning I woke up with the shouting of my father who had been drinking for the night. -These shouts were usually be to himself only, but sometimes, if we're lucky enough to have my mum at home, he shouted at her- and I went school 2 hours earlier than my first class. After the nightmare of a house, school was like a paradise to me. And I even made a couple friends in middle school. My best friend, Maya Carter had been by my side till the day I left. And when I look back, she's the only thing I miss from my old life...

My runaway from home was nothing planned. I'd dream about it for as long as I know, yes, but it was simultaneous for me to decide that I could no longer live in that house before my 18th birthday. I walked out of the door with a backpack filled with some clothes, very little money I had found in my dad's old jackets and my mobile phone. My passed out father had no idea as I walked past him. Well, I don't know if something would have changed if he did anyway...

I knew that I was on my own as soon as I stepped out of the door. But I was alone all my life anyway, and now I was walking to my freedom. I had felt invincible as I walked out of the old 'garden' we've had. Nothing could stop me — except for my mum who was walking slowly towards the door, to me. I had panicked as I saw her. I thought she'd try to make me stay, be mad or make a scene as she was apparently very drunk. But she just looked at me for a while, then got inside the house, nodding slowly. At first I was very confused. But now, looking back to it, I can understand why she'd done such a thing. Because she owed me. She owed me a life and let me try and find my freedom just like my father did with alcohol and she with other men...

The first thing I did as I got out of the house was to buy a fake ID with my very limited money. I was too young to actually live and I couldn't wait any longer to become a legal adult. As soon as I had my new ID, I'd found myself in a bar. I thought I'd have high tolerance to alcohol considering my dad would never be sober, but at the end of the night, after only three glasses the security guard of the bar had woken me up. Apparently drinking wasn't really my thing, but for years, I was so mad at my father that I thought it'd be a good idea to take revenge this way. As I didn't have a place to stay at night, I had hid in a small room at the back of the bar and spent the night there. And the other day, it was more or less the same with another bar.

A couple weeks after that were no different as well. I'd drink till I pass out and couldn't even remember which bar had thrown me out since my brain was too numb to think properly. I had no friends, which wasn't something that I wasn't used to and I hadn't heard from Maya since I left home. I knew that those very few men who acted interested in me weren't actually interested in 'me'. But as well as my brain, my emotions were numb too so that I couldn't feel anything. No pain, no happiness... And then one day, as I was just about to enter another bar with a terrible headache, a middle-aged man had stopped me. He muttered some bullshit that I was supposed to go with him and I was so sure that I'd die in that very moment. What did a man with suit have to do with me if he didn't want to hurt me?

He and some other men made me get into a big, black car and I had no doubt that my life was over. Maybe I had pissed someone off in one of the bars I had gone to. Or maybe somehow I got involved with the mafia!? After finally getting my freedom and starting to live my life as I wish, I was going to get killed. While we were on our way, I was too scared to ask anything. Even if I was going to get killed, I had no intent to make it happen quicker.

I had thought that the old, grey building that I'd never seen before was a rehabilitation center. But the young man with an annoying, frozen smile on his face looked nothing like a doctor. But still, I wasn't as afraid as I'd been before.

"Hello, I'm Agent Cox." he said. "And as Organization, we want to help you."

"This looks too boring, even for a rehab center..." I said. Since I was away from home -and had nothing to lose- I'd became lot more reckless and brave.

"Ah- no... This is not a rehabilitation center. We want to give you a flat, job, a life...if you accept to work for us, of course."

Agent Cox explained the job briefly and sent me to the scientist named Doctor Felix Baxter. Felix told me everything -The Conjuct Consciousness Theory, my job, and the brief history of Organization- and helped me through the shock. The whole situation was too confusing for me to understand and all those sciencey words and theories were nothing I was used to see. Also, why would anyone help a miserable 17-year-old girl and give her such an important job? He'd always tell me as little as he could, but answer my questions all the time. He was the closest person I had to a father and friend figure. He told me what to do before every mission and calmed me down.

In years, I begun to complete the missions in a shorter time and work harder. I'd talk as little as I could and barely ever ask a question. The only thing I needed to know about Organization was that they had provided me a home, a good job and safety. When I was at Carriers, I'd try to finish the job as soon as I could and return to my own body. Because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to return to my own body one day. It wasn't very likely for things to go wrong but as in the first 17 years of my life nothing would go right, hoping was not an option for me.

I was already used to have no friends, and from my colleagues, it was only Felix that I talked to, and even knew. After a while, I met Agent Ted Seanor, who didn't like me very much and who I wasn't a big fan of either. We had to work together on a few missions and for him, I was only a 'child who tried to make herself look cold and serious'. I thought we were about the same age but he was working for Organization longer than me and used it as a way to patronise me. He had something that I couldn't quite understand but I had no intent to figuring him out.

I know this woman's story. This woman is me.

Danny comes towards me and I can feel his concerned look in his eyes. "You didn't like it, did you?" he asks.

"Ah, no. No, it's so beautiful..." I say as I take the canvas and a small envelope falls from behind it.

"Hey, what is this?" he says. "It has the letter T on it. Where could that come from?"

I feel my heart beating so fast and I take the envelope from him. "May I look?"

In the envelope, there are only few words. It's like the letter Felix has sent me, but not quite the same. It says 'Afraid Of My Home, pg. 13' and that's all.

"I guess I know what this is. Afraid Of My Home. It's a children's book. As you know I go to library to read stories to the kids every weekend. I saw it there. But why would anyone write it and leave it here? What would that mean?"

It doesn't take me so long to understand that it is left here for me and whoever left it knows what is going on.

"Maybe it flew from the window or something," I say smiling. "I'm sure it isn't something important. I mean, who'd break into an old art studio and leave a letter?"

Danny smiles and nods. He doesn't look very convinced, but I'm sure he won't be after it. But I will be. As I try to find an excuse to go to the library, I get incredibly relieved as Danny says "Actually, if you want to, we can go there. I wanted to show you but you were always busy with rehearsals and stuff... It must be open now, wanna go?"

As we arrive to the library, I go to Children's Stories section and look for the said book. Afraid Of My Home... Afraid Of My Home... Whoever had chosen the book must've known my old life. After a while, I find the book and open page 13. On the 13th page of the picture book, there's a little crying girl. And some words are highlighted. 'Sun', 'third' and 'alone' are some of them. I read all of the words and try to figure out the code. I know that I might be making mistakes as well, but I figure that whoever has sent me the message wants me to meet with them next morning in the cafe 3 buildings away from the library. I spend time with Danny, making extra effort so he wouldn't understand something was odd. He looks obviously happy around my Carrier, and as we walk around bookshelves, he shows me the books he likes that I should some time read too. -If I can find time from the rehearsals, of course. We spend hours at the library before he walks me home.

And I hope that next morning I will figure out what the hell is going on...