I am trying, for you.

New semester.

Two weeks ago, i started my new semester. I need to go back to my college and everything, it was fun and hard as I have stayed at home for 2 years now, doing the online classes.
But what I do not like here is having the know the fact that you're here, in the same state as mine.
I went to the mall last week and I almost cried remembering all the memories we had together.
I hate it, I do.
And now, I woke up thinking of you, even when the dream isn't about you. I keep on thinking how lonely I am here without you.
It made me realize that I rely on you a lot. I don't know when it started but the thought of you not being here for me and the thought of you being happy without having to think about me at all is very, very, sad.
The thought of you achieveing all of our goals that we listed down together with someone else is also something I wish I don't have to think about.
I started to wonder my self worth, is it all worth it, all these years?
I don't like how I am now, but my past self that's been living in misery for a few months would been super proud knowing I tried my best not to think about you and every time I do, I am able to get up and do something else.
But somehow a part of me still want you to come back. Somehow, whenever I look up to the sky at night, I hope to see a shooting star and wish for you to come back.
Somehow, I wish you would've waited for me, instead of running away to someone else.

Because apart of growing up in this pain you've created, I still want you to help me heal it.