Forbidden [h.s.]

(14) confusion

"I don't understand," I said chopping tomatoes and carrots, we were making lunch, which I have no absolute idea what it is.

"what don't you understand?" Valentina said shredding the soft boiled chicken breasts, she sounded like she was struggling, with both the chicken shredder and my conversation.

"Does this make me gay?" I said, slamming the knife on the cutting board, and turning my body to face her.

"you're not gay, Lola, dammit!" Val yelled, done with the twisting of the handle, she grabbed her arm with the other hand, shaking her aching arm, she groaned.

"you might be bi, you might be straight but curious, you might be pan-sexual, I wouldn't know, all I can do is educate you so you'd know," she continued, she then picked up a bowl, walked towards me, put the bowl behind me on the counter, her body close in distance to me she rested her hand on the counter, staying there for a moment.

"What did you feel when you were making out with Harry?" she asked me, her minty breath fanning my lips, yet she had no intentions of kissing me anymore, she was keeping real eye contact, making a real conversation.

I snapped out of my head, remembering to remember how I felt with harry not thinking about her.

"it felt.." I looked up, "it felt like I was on a cloud, my heart was racing like crazy, I felt like I wanted more but not too much, and it mostly felt electrifying," I said while pausing between each feeling, "it was raw," I ended my sentence looking down at her.

"but it was brief," I said glaring at her, she smiled devilishly chuckling throwing her head back, pulling away from the counter.

"I'm sorry about that, I came in right when you pulled him in for that kiss." she rose her hand, "which by the way, was like really sexy," she pointed her index at me.

"you think so?" I said smiling, my eyes brightening at the comment.

"yes, but," she came closer, not like before, I could still see her full face in view, "what about," she raised her hand to my waist.

"you?" I interrupted, and she blushed looking down, nodding.

"oh god," I said laughing slightly, "I don't know, I want to say I hated it," she gasps loudly taken aback by my quick words, "no!" I laughed hard, "I'm joking!" I said laughing the more her reaction repeated in my brain.

"I knew it, I just had to play along, it didn't look nor sound like you hated it though," she said raising an eyebrow, I laughed again.
 "I didn't hate it, I was joking, I actually can't describe what I felt," I said raising my hands up to my elbow level while shrugging my shoulders, I'm confused at that part, I really can't say much about what I felt because I don't know what I felt, it was all new.

"I know it's all new to you," she said right off the bat as if she read my mind, "I was just thinking that I feel like it felt new, everything that's been happening since you walked into my life has been new, also I have to mention harry too cause, Val, I really don't know how to say this, I feel like I might be willing to do anything for him to be mine, I want him, in all ways, like," I huffed, taking a breath cause I said all of that at once.

"I want," I started, both my hands moving in a synchronized pattern making an o with my index and thumb, "to know how it feels to be loved, not that I have anything against you, you actually give me chills with every touch, I loved every second, I want to do it again, but something will always be missing," I said.

"Are you talking about a dick cause I got a big fat dildo-" she started but I interrupted saying, "not that!" I slapped her arm and she giggled.

"Okay, okay, let's not talk about this now, we've already wasted enough time hogging each other, let's learn more about you," she said pulling my hand slightly towards the door to exit the kitchen.