For Whom The Bell Tolls (Trollhunters continuation/Evil Jim AU)

6: Is It Me?

"And that's kinda everything up until this point...give or take a few minor details." Jim said to Merlin, wrapping up his explanation.

Merlin stood back, blinking in horror. He could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"This is most certainly troubling." He spoke calmly, trying to hide his panicked expression.

Jim placed his hand on the back of his head awkwardly. It felt good to finally tell someone about everything, but he still felt bad for depositing so much on the wizard. He dropped to his knees. The exhaustion of everything was catching up to him.

"James," The shimmery outline of Merlin placed a hand upon the teen's shoulder, "There is not much I can do to influence the outcome of this or any timelines. I am much like yourself, a conscientious objector to the violence and death, but I cannot allow myself to become involved in this eternal torment you put yourself through, my dear boy. My priority is preventing Morgana from wiping Arcadia off the map."

Raising to his feet again, Jim had dreaded Merlin would say something in that vain. It angered him. Did he not care about the Arcane Order's decimation of the world over and over? The continuous deaths of those he held dear? Of course he didn't. Merlin Ambrosius was arrogant and didn't care to help anyone if he didn't seek to benefit from it himself.
Jim could feel a tingling sensation creeping down the back of his neck. Merlin noticed Lake's eyes illuminate a lucid green. The two of them were suddenly thrown into the air and were moved to the town square. The atmosphere was dark, the night hanging overhead. Fires raged around them.
They landed in front of a pile of rubble, seeing bodies strewn around. Merlin looked upon all of the damage caused and all of the casualties.

"I never...I never saw anything like this happening..." Merlin trailed off, his eyes full of despair.

Jim stood back and watched. Something deep within his mind seemed to derive some twisted form of pleasure from witnessing the one responsible for his years of torment feeling an ounce of the pain he'd been put through. The corners of Lake's mouth curled upwards slightly. It felt as if a strange pressure was pushing on the inside of his skull, trying to force its way out. This was all up until Jim suddenly pulled himself back to some form of reality. He shuddered as he relived the moment his friends all slowly succumbed to their respective fates. Was that him or was that the entity inside his amulet?

I'm glad I can watch the being that ruined my freedom suffer.

The voice of Dhiren echoed inside his head. Jim steeled himself and ignored it to the best of his ability, although it knowing it had seemingly taken control of him for a split second began to weigh on his mind. He turned away from the scene up ahead, not ready to see Toby die again. He instead walked over to Merlin and pulled him away.

"Merlin...I'm so sorry...I was scared you didn't understand the suffering so I ended up showing you something you cared about...losing someone you cared about...a fate that could be repeated," His voice was shaky, "I wasn't trynna do it willingly! It was more of a subconscious thing..."

Merlin seemed to understand as they appeared back in the canal, reuniting with the location of their physical bodies.

"James," He wiped a tear from his eye, "I do believe you. You are pure of heart but you have been tormented by sights no person should have to see, let alone thousands of times. I cannot help you, I cannot interfere, but I can do my best to advise you in this moment before our connection breaks."

"What do I have to do?" Lake spoke with a still trembling voice.

"Find Hisirdoux. Speak with him. I know you already plan to seek his guidance. In the meantime, do not interact with Dhiren. I do not know much of them, but they are incredibly dangerous from what I've read. You must create a form of mental blockade to prevent them from talking to you. Like you have been doing, Hisirdoux should be able to help you hone these new abilities."

He lies. Do not trust him!

Jim ignored the voice again and pushed it to the back of his mind. He was still full of anger, some of it towards Merlin. Alas, he knew he had to keep his temper in check. He was still wracked with guilt and despair too. He felt as if each reset left him further and further away from himself, but he had to remain himself for all of them. For Toby.
He began to steady himself and slowly he watched as everything slowly returned to normality.

"Good luck Trollhunter..." Merlin's voice faded away as his apparition did.

Jim felt disturbed by his reaction earlier. Whilst he hadn't deliberately meant to torture Merlin with showing him those images from the last timeline, he had to admit to himself that something inside him found some form of satisfaction from it. Like revenge. He'd subconsciously been blaming Merlin for everything right from the start. Perhaps it wasn't Dhiren at all causing that, but Jim's own deepset grudges. Perhaps Dhiren had just sensed that and wanted to prey on it. He couldn't tell. Jim wanted to destroy both amulets. But that wasn't the best idea right now.
He pushed his bike up the slope and pedalled off into the sunrise. The tranquility present this early on in the town was almost enough to distract him from everything that had just happened.  He wasn't sure where to go or what to do now. There was a lot on his agenda but as of this very second he didn't have any desire to do anything else.
He rode around a while more, not really caring for the time. Riding down the high street, he noticed one of the thrift stores was open. Ah, at least he could grab himself some new clothes to further distract himself.
Walking into the shop, his entrance was heralded by a dinging bell. The store clerk looked slightly annoyed about being there so early. She nodded to acknowledge his existence but didn't seem overly enthralled about striking up any conversation and honestly, Jim didn't blame her one bit. He simply waved back at her so as not to be rude and wandered over to browse some of the larger shirts. He eventually settled on a white vest paired with an oversized charcoal grey jacket. It wasn't his usual style but it'd suffice since it was all they had that fitted. Jim also didn't care much for how he looked, he'd rather just get on with keeping everyone he loved safe.
After finalising his purchase, he left with a spring in his step. It sort of felt good to don new threads, almost as if he was casting off the past. Now he needed to go and meet Douxie.