MAKE IT RIGHT | Haruchiyo Sanzu

06

"Where am I?" I asked again and again but these fuckers won't tell me! Takeomi just nodded at what Mikey was saying and my face crumpled when I saw my younger sister sitting on the sofa near the bed.

"Oi, where the fuck am I?" Senju pouted and looked away, biting her bottom lip. "Answer me, idiot!" I demanded but I gritted my teeth when I suddenly feel a searing pain on my side and on my back.

"Can you shut up for a moment?! You're making me feel...ugh! Haru!" I got startled when she yelled and suddenly she got up from her seat and walked towards me crying.

"Tch." I looked away. Memories of the past became vivid to me. I never want to leave her. I just think it's the best for both of us to be apart. I did my best to protect her secretly but she created her own gang and 'til then I don't think I will protect her because she's good at fighting too. There's also a lot of people who's willing to fight for her.

"Haru, I'm truly sorry." She cried, she sat on the floor, on the side of the bed and hugged her knees. "It's all my fault. If only I knew better. If only I..." She couldn't form any words. She's sobbing. I feel my lips trembling, fist clenching as I tried to let go everything...everything from the past.

It hurts. It hurts so much. I've been lonely. Alone. I kept those pain buried for years and hoping that I could let it go someday. It was buried inside me, hoping that it will fade away. Hoping that time will heal me. There are some times that I couldn't control myself and I could only drown myself in drugs. It relieved me somehow but the loneliness, the thought of being alone is scaring me.

I was glad that Mikey still take me in his gang. I was glad I met Mucho and the other Toman members. Because, the pain and suffering somehow lessened. Maybe, they're also feeling like that too. Maybe, they're also carrying a heavy burden. I sometimes wished that Senju will be free. I want her to live a normal life. But, she choose this. Takeomi isn't any better. I think he's looking over for Mikey because Mikey won't let his siblings near him, after what happened to Izana.

"Forgive me." Senju cried. Takeomi and Mikey looked over at our direction. I can see Takeomi nearing us. And when he sat next to Senju, I can't stop the tear running down my cheeks.

Forgiveness is one of the things I couldn't achieve all my life. How can I forgive them when they didn't even ask for forgiveness? They caused me pain and that pain and trauma did not leave me. It stayed until now.

I blinked a few times trying to get my tears away. Siblings should be there for each other. Siblings should love each other and care for each other. But, I didn't get a chance to feel all of that. All I feel was pain, bitterness, and loneliness.

And in order to let go of that, I need to forgive. To let go of the pain and bitterness inside me.

"Haruchiyo, big bro's sorry." Takeomi says, his voice trembling. I've always wanted to hear that.  "It's all my fault. If only I did better as your older brother. I regret it every second of my life. I wished I treated you the way you deserve. You deserved so much love and care and I didn't gave you that. I'm sorry, Haruchiyo. I hope it's not too late."

I wiped my damp cheeks and stared at my lap covered with a blanket. I frowned when I saw the dextrose on the other side of the bed. "I changed." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I learned how to not care with other people and would put myself first. Because who else would do that? I don't have someone beside me." I smiled bitterly.

"I'm thankful for Mikey." I glanced at Mikey who looked away from us. "He's the reason why I didn't give up. There's so many opportunities that I could end everything but I always feel like I should let go of these feelings first. So, it will be peaceful." I looked back at my siblings. Their teary eyes widened.