MAYBE ITS BETTER TO LET GO

Chapter 6

"Emotions are what make us human, but too much of one emotion can make us crazy, and too many emotions all at once can overwhelm us until we eventually just..... burst"

When we got home from the doctors that day, my dad was furious. "I'm going to kill that mother fucker, son of a bitch got my daughter pregnant" he yelled when we made it through the front door. He stormed to his bedroom on the first floor and slammed the door. I sighed and walked upstairs to my bedroom. I laid in bed to sort through my thoughts. I placed my hand on my still fault stomach, and tried to imagine what it would look like in 9 months. "No matter what happens, I'll always be here for you" I whispered to my unborn child. Tears formed in my eyes "it's going to be ok" I said. It was still early in the afternoon, but I decided anyway to curl up and take a nap. I dreamt of my child and what would happen to us over these nine months. I pictured myself in the hospital, holding a beautiful baby in my arms, with tears in my eyes, smiling down at the child I'd just given birth to.

When I woke up it was 7 o'clock at night. I got out of bed and walked downstairs to get some food, it had only occured to me that I was supposed to be feeding two people now. I suddenly felt extremely guilty. I've been isolated in my bedroom for days without food or water, completely unaware that I was a couple weeks pregnant. Poor thing must be starving, I thought as I dug through the fridge for some food. I eventually decided to make myself a healthy little dinner consisting of a healthy pasta salad with a side of fruit. I grabbed myself a bottled smoothie from the fridge after inevitably deciding a soda wouldn't be the greatest thing to drink right now. I finished my dinner and checked the clock to see that it was now 7:20. I knocked on my dad's door to see how he was doing, when he didn't answer I opened the door a crack and noticed him sound asleep. I walked back upstairs to my bedroom and grabbed a book off my shelf. I started to relax and read for a bit.

I had eventually fallen asleep without realizing it. I know this because I woke up to something hitting my window. I checked that it was 3:00 a.m. I looked out the window and saw nothing. I thought nothing of it and went back to sleep but when I heard the same thing 10 minutes later I got up and opened the window to peek out. That's when I saw him again. It was Josh outside my window, throwing rocks at it to get my attention. 'no this isn't real' I told myself 'it's your imagination' I tried to believe that I walked over to my bedside dresser and opened the drawer to grab my medication. I took two and sipped my water. I laid back in bed when I saw him again at my other window. 'Go back to sleep, he's not really there, he can't hurt you' I told myself and closed my eyes.

When I woke the next morning I felt someone in bed with me, and jumped up. I looked over to the other side of my bed to see Josh soundly asleep. "Oh my God" I whispered to myself. He opened his eyes and said "did you miss me" crawling on top of me and pinning me down "no no get off of me!" I screamed out loud "No ahhh" I screamed again when I felt someone shaking me "Rain, baby wake up" I shot up immediately covered in sweat. "Shhhh, it's ok, you're ok" My dad told me and held me close, sitting on my bed "Dad he's haunting me now" I whispered "Shh sweetie, he can't hurt you." He whispered in my ear "I can't even sleep without seeing him" I told him "I know, sweetie I know" he patted my head. "What if I slept in here tonight, right there on your couch? Would that help?" He offered, I nodded my head and wiped the tears from my eyes.

The next night, my dad gathered up some blankets and pillows and crashed on the couch in my bedroom while I turned off the lights and laid in bed. When I fell asleep that's when the dreams started again, and I saw him again. "You really need your dad in here?" He laughed "so you're afraid of me now? Ya know that's really funny 'cause you were all over me in the hotel" he sat on the edge of my bed "Get away from me" I told him stoned face "Rain, baby I didn't mean to hurt you, I wanted to make you feel good" he crawled up to me and kissed my stomach "No Josh, you wanted to feel good, you didn't give a shit how it made me feel" I said. He frowned and next thing I knew his hand struck my face in one painful slap. I bolted up instantly, I felt my cheek, it actually stung. I hugged my knees to my chest and cried for a bit. I looked over at my dad sleeping soundly on the couch, when suddenly I heard a ding from my phone. I picked it up to find a message from an anonymous number I checked to find a picture of my house. I gasped as more were currently being sent. One picture was zoomed in on my bedroom window, showing me sitting up in bed. I looked out the window but didn't see anybody, not a car or person in sight. Then one last picture was sent of me looking out the window, emphasizing that the person was currently taking the pictures. I bit my lip, terrified and locked the window and shut the curtains.
Emotions are what make us human, but too much of one emotion can make us crazy, and too many emotions all at once can overwhelm us until we just....burst. I sat on my bed and sobbed, all of this confusion, anxiety and fear was killing me, I just wanted it all to stop. There were a few ways I could make it all stop, I thought about it for a moment before mentally kicking myself. 'For God's sake, you're pregnant, you're going to have a baby to care for and protect, you can't end this shit now' I thought and sighed. This was going to be one hell of a journey.