My backstory

10 and 11 because a lot happened at this age

If you were to ask my mom about how I was in 5th grade, she would give you an answer where, if it was put in a kids show, there would be so many bleeps and censored parts that you would wonder why they even put it in the show. This was when I first met Ae, Ax, and An (I think it's funny how most of my friend's names start with A, when my shortened name starts with a B). Also a lot of these memories are out of order, so sorry if the story is sloppy.

I didn't really like Ax at first, but I actually have a lot to thank her for. She was the how I met Ae and An (Not their real names btw, but since they all start with the letter A, I kinda had to shorten their names, because of privacy reasons and I don't want their names going out there without their permission). Some of my fondest memories are with them, and I will always hold those weirdly wonderfully kinda gay moments close to my heart. I really love them, and now we have grown apart, separated like Pangaea. But what if Pangaea doesn't want to be separated and wants to become one giant continent again? What about all of the animals and plants that died when Pangaea separated? What about Pangaea's feelings? But what about the feelings of the earth that separated Pangaea? Man, Pangaea is selfish. Earth is probably happier now that Pangaea is split up. It was Pangaea's fault anyway. It's not Earth's fault that Pangaea split up.

Anyway, I first met Ax on the first day of school. She's sooooo much different now than she was then. On the first day of school, we got to choose where we sat. Since there was an empty seat next to me, she asked if she could sit there. Since I'm *such* a good person, I said she could sit with me. We got along at first, we rolled down the hill together. Except, I was shy and quiet, she was the exact opposite. She called me weird and boring. I don't know why, but I started not liking her. I told myself (and my mother) that it was because she didn't respect my personal boundaries, but I'm not sure if that was actually the case. Even 4 years later I'm still not sure why I didn't like her.

A few weeks into fifth grade, Ax introduced me to Ae and An. I really liked them at first. We were a chaotic couple. It was fun and vibrant being with them. We were loudly silent, if that makes any sense. I remember one time while my teacher was teaching history, he was talking about some general and something about the Anaconda snake. Anyway, whenever he said Anaconda, me and Ae looked at each other and started mouthing "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun". As I told you, chaotic. 

A few weeks into the friendship with Ax, Ae, and An, Ae and An agreed with me that we didn't like Ax all that much. Since me and An cared too much to tell Ax that we didn't like her, Ae did it for us. After that, I remember writing later in my journal that she was apparently pestering us about being our friend again. So, we wrote a list of rules that Ax had to sign before she became our friend again. I'm pretty sure that this started a little bit of a friend contract war between me and Ae. But anyway, we were kind of asses to Ax.

After we told Ax we didn't like her, we also became friends with Ky. She was chaotic too. I remember that she had a birthday party once and Ae came over to my house before the party at Ky's house. I'm pretty sure that for her present we got her some cheap childish makeup kits from Walmart. We put the small makeup kit in a giant box, wrapped it 40 times with alternating layers of wrapping paper and duct tape, then laughed about it because we were so evil. It was really fun hanging out with her. 

Also this is just a random memory, but one time I was just talking to my friends and one of them was behind me and they were like "Becca, there's a spider in your hair." I thought they were joking a first, but then they showed me the squished baby spider in their hands that they pulled out of my hair.

The next memory is one of the most important moments of my entire life. This is the time when Ae came out as bisexual. She wrote it on a piece of paper, but since we were all little kids living in Utah, we didn't know what it meant so we asked her to explain it to us. Once she came out, I realized that I wasn't straight. And I realized that I had a crush on Ae. She was just so chaotic and pretty and wonderful and I still am a Simp for her even though she probably hates my ugly guts. Anyway, a few weeks after she came out as bi, we started pestering her about her crush. When she finally confessed, she said that it was me (also I'm pretty sure this is around the time that the school year is going to end, I'm not totally sure though). When she confessed that she liked me, I told her that I liked her too. After that, it was kind of awkward, but we had little childish romance moments. It was fun, this age, but also filled with complete and utter chaos, which is why it was so fun. 

Around the end of school and the beginning of summer, me and Ae "dated". It was barely even dating though because my mom didn't like her and we weren't allowed to see each other, so we "dated" over Skype. Kinda stupid, right? That summer I went over to my grandparents house for a family reunion. I'm also the one who made my cousin Ci rebel against her control freak super religious and strict mother. I showed her a Gacha life video (I know, I was really stupid at this age, okay?) that was gay, and I told her that technically I'm not allowed to be watching YouTube, but who cares. Last summer I saw her again, and she told me that that video had changed how she thought. In her brain she was like, "Wait, if other people can break the rules, then I can too." Anyway, at this time I was "dating" Ae, and every night I would talk to her until like 1 AM. Then my mom found out I was talking to her and I got my phone taken away for the first time.

Ah, young love, stupidity, and idiocy. It was fun to recall these memories with you. Thank you for reading.