ted talks

how bpd really feels

you know the thing is, mental illnesses in general suck like a lot but have you ever considered what it's like to live with a full ass personality disorder? i don't want to underestimate any mental disorder but it's just how i feel. because it's not just some 'bad days' or a 'shitty mood'. it really takes up your whole characteristics and the best part about all of it is that you can't do shit about it. it's not your fault and neither it's your choice because mostly those personality disorders form from trauma in the past. whether it's something that happened in your childhood or some years ago. but the fact is that you won't ever get rid of it. it's your personality and it will forever be. i hate people who tell me 'don't make ur mental disorder your whole personality' - jokes on them!! i wish i could possibly do that but i really can't help it.
borderline personality disorder has multiple symptoms - feeling empty chronically, rapid and extreme mood swings, unstable relationships, fear of abandonment, impulsive and self-destructive behavior, insecurity in self-image, explosive anger... (pls don't self-diagnose, if you feel like you fit into some if those categories reach out for help as soon as possible) but the worst thing aren't all those symptoms, it's the fact that no one truly understands. even though you already feel left alone, unloved and unneeded, people still have the audacity to blame you for everything you do. it doesn't matter if it's some kind of self-harm or substance abuse or anything but they just don't understand. i know that people with bpd can get extremely exhausting but it's nor their fault. when i tell someone i have borderline personality disorder they only see a narcissistic, abusive, manipulative and especially dangerous person but is that really so? actually, bpd is unhealed trauma as i already mentioned. it's a coping mechanism. when some people really saw what we have to get trough every single day maybe then they would have a little bit of understanding in them. i already hate myself, i don't need other people to do that as well. life with bpd is miserable and extremely terrible. no wonder, it's considered as 'no cure' and 'hard to recover'. not even every therapist treats bpd. isn't that funny? how the fuck am i supposed to deal with it when not even therapists can? once a therapist told me that he literally can't help me. wtf is that??
im really not just living with bpd im trying to survive it and everyday i fear that i wont.