"Karan"
He turned around. One look at him and I knew what was waiting for me. I closed my eyes and sighed. This wasn't how everything was supposed to be. This wasn't how everything was supposed to end. We were meant to be together for a lifetime but here we were, drifting apart in just two years. I saw him walk towards me. He stood in front of me, his hair gelled, his shirt crisp, but his face? Blank. This was not something new for me. If this had happened one month back, I would have panicked so much that I would have perhaps had an attack. But things changed a lot in the past one month. He seemed a completely different person to me. He seemed so unknown, so distant from me that he seemed out of my reach sometimes. Since the past one month, I wasn't able to read his eyes, his face or his thoughts. The person who could make out what he was thinking by just one look of his was the same person who couldn't understand what he wanted even after he repeatedly put all of it in words. I was that person, the person who once used to be his solace, his sanity.
We had physically distanced ourselves for just one week maybe but I had felt a barrier since the past one month. Something was off since a long time between us, but today? Today everything seemed off. A little hope somewhere in my heart which was still burning finally did extinguish the moment I saw him.
I bit my lower lip to stop my tears from spilling out of my eyes because what was the point? They were anyhow gonna come out for the next few months. A lot.
I gave him a slight smile and finally spoke while he just stared at me.
"G..goo..good, to see you"
I took a long pause and continued.
"Karan."
Karan. That did seem to bother him. He blinked away his tears and looked away. Hurt visible in his eyes.
He looked back at me after lingering his eyes here and there for sometime and spoke with a deadly pair of eyes.
"Tejasswi, let's sit and talk. The conversation is going to be a long one." He said like a rock.
Tejasswi. Yeah right. That's my name. That's only my name. But hearing it from him, washed my heart with a very heavy wave of sadness. The weight of it was so unbearable that I felt my shoulders crash form it's load but I still managed to nod and went ahead to sit on a table across him.
"Did you have something?" He asked me. This man. This man had to be this caring at this hour. Why? All of it was making it even more difficult for me to detach myself from him. The more I explained it to my heart to not keep any expectations from him, the more his kind words confused my already bruised heart.
But the thing was, more than sad, this concern of his made me angry. It pissed me off because this man sitting right in front of me never forgot to care about my health but somehwhere amidst all the chaos, he definitely did forget to care about my emotions. Not just today, but since a long time.
I just faked a smile at him and nodded yes.
"Stop lying, I know you haven't eaten anything. I have ordered some food, you will eat first and then we shall talk."
He said sternly. I was baffled. I didn't know how to react. On one hand I was thinking how I was so used to all this pampering and how once we finally separate our ways it would take me ages to become emotionally independent again; whereas on the other hand I was so irritated at him for showing so much of fake concern that if it were in my hands I would have surely walked out from there after smashing some very hurtful sentences on his face. What did he do this for? Did he want to officially make me have one last meal as his fiance? What was this man exactly upto! Honestly, with such distinct thoughts and contrasting emotions, I felt my saturation point was reached. I felt as if my brain suddenly just stopped working. It kind of blocked. I couldn't, I just couldn't, calculate, analyse, think, rationalize or understand anything any more.
I had given up.
Given up on myself, on him, on us, on everything.
Being so tired from this internal conflict which was going on in me since the past few weeks, I just waved off every singls thing that crossed my mind and agreed to eat with a sad chuckle because I honestly had no more strength to fight with him or myself or even my thoughts.
"What?" He asked irritated.
"What what?" I enquired because I was clearly clueless as to why was he irritated.
"I just asked you about food out of concern. Why that sarcastic chuckle?" He replied back.
"Concern?! Huh nice." I mocked a small chuckle.
"Yes concern Tejasswi. It means to care for somebody which you might not know and that is okay. I am used to it." He shot back dryly.
"What do you mean by I am used to it? Are you trying to imply I never cared? I fucking gave up on everything for you Karan Kundrra!"
I got up aggressively from my chair and answered back.
"Oh, really? What exactly did you give up for me Tejasswi? Please elaborate. Because all I remember is you being full of yourself all the time!"
He said while standing up and kicking the chair he was sitting on harshly backwards.
"Don't you dare try to intimidate me with such violent actions of yours! Just because I put up with all your unacceptable actions in the bigboss house doesn't mean I shall do it outside as well."
I shouted while taking steps towards him.
"And just because I listened to all your stupid tantrums not just in the house but even outside of it for two years doesn't mean I don't have a spine or I am too vulnerable to be able to live without you!"
He shouted back while taking steps towards me.
"You know what Karan? You never fucking changed! I should have listened to everybody warning me against you! But I was too blind in love to see the very evident red flags all the way."
I stated in a dangerously low tone.
Shit. I realised the blunder I had made by saying those lines which none of me ever believed. The way Karan looked at me and chuckled with teary eyes and immediately looked away to stare at the dark night sky made me regret the very instant I said those things. I meant none of it. Trust me, none of it. He had ofcourse changed, there was ofcourse no truth to what others said about him, and there were anything in our relationship but red flags. But maybe the constant societal conditioning done to me about his "bad boy" image made me say things I never ever felt or meant. My face softened, I forgot everything that had gone wrong between us in the past one month, in the past one week and even in the past 10 minutes. All I cared about at that point was him. Just him. I was about to run into his arms, hug him tight, and just protect the two of us from this cruel, evil world but before I could take a step forward, Karan wiped off his tears and turned to look at me. Slowly, he started walking backwards with his front still facing me. I could see him going away, away, far away from me. Every bit of me screamed to stop him, yearned to call him, died a thousand deaths just to pause the universe, but I didn't. I stood there, with a stony, hard, stature of mine and watched him walk away. I saw him finally turn his back toward me and walk forwards. He started walking in such a way that it seemed as though all he wanted to do at that point was be away from me. I felt dirty at that point. I kind of hated myself too because someone who once loved me with all his heart couldn't even stand breathing the same air as I did. This thought crushed the already broken pieces of fragile heart.
But then he stopped. My eyes lit up. Maybe everything was not over, not yet. I, I could feel a tingly feeling in my stomach. At that point all I wanted to hear from him was "laddoo". Thats it. Just once word from him and I shall run into him and never ever leave him. Je shall be stuck with me, forever. I thought.
He slightly turned his head towards his right to make his side face outline slightly visible to me who was still standing like a partly hopeless and a partly lifeless skeleton with all the emotional torture I went through behind him.
"I, I guess I was right when I said we have hit the rock bottom, Tejasswi."
He said in a heartbreaking choked voice.
"It's best for the two of us if we walk our separate ways."
He finished. Not just his sentence, but also me, my hopes, my dreams, my life, my everything. The little sparkle which was ignited a few seconds back in my eyes was blown off so rapidly that one would think that my eyes had just witnessed a storm. A storm indeed. I blinked away the tears which didn't seem to stop and stiffened my face and tightened my fists. In a very bitter and sarcastic voice, I spoke after her imposing myself for a few seconds.
"Like you say, I should never doubt your vision, I perhaps should never actually do it. If you see it coming, it must be coming. Sooner or later, this was ought to happen."
I took a long breath. I closed my eyes and then slowly opened them only to blur my vision with tears again and continued.
"Thank you for everything, (choking sound) Karan."
I could see his lips curl into a small sarcastic, bitter smile before he murmured his very last sentence as my fiance to me.
"Goodbye Tejasswi."
"Goodbye Karan."
I whispered back while a tear drop rolled down my cheek and Karan? Karan turned his head forwards and without looking back he;
Moved. Ahead.
-------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: Will you kill me if I say there is no next part to it?
Thank you for reading though.
Really grateful.
