Guns And Fireflies

CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

NANDINI'S POV

CHAPTER SONG: Gehraiyaan By Aryan Katoch

Happy Reading :)

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So it's a few days later, like two days later. Our college begins from today and to say that I'm very nervous and anxious is an understatement. I am very socially awkward. Ever since I was a child, I have been scared of people and their judgments. I have trouble speaking in front of a mass or doing any activity in front of people.

People always say that don't be afraid of people's judgments but, for me, it was always easier said then done. No matter how hard I try, it is very difficult to open up and be myself with people. Coming to Mumbai was a huge decision on my part considering my social anxiety. I had no one here to help me with my anxiety but I wanted to do it for myself and just come out of my comfort zone and I'm actually very proud of myself for taking such a big step, because I have always been that kid who would skip going out and stay in their house, do nothing adventurous and that 'boring', 'quite', 'not-so-interesting' person.

I know I have Manik with me to help me, but I don't know if he'll be able to help much. I just hope he doesn't get weirded out of my anxiety because I'm not the most likeable person when my anxiety hits me. I'm that person who gets anxious at small things. If someone is looking at me while I eat, I get anxious and I'm unable to eat. I get anxious even by proximity (not with Manik). If someone gets way too friendly with me, I get anxious because I'm not used to it. I may sound like an idiot but this is who I am and I hope Manik doesn't find it idiotic, too.

So here I am, up at 6.00 am in the morning, standing in the living room balcony with a cup of coffee (yes, I made it on my own because I did not want to disturb Manik). I was thinking about all of this and also, my mom. She had given me a butterfly necklace, which I still wear. That necklace reminds me of her and always helps me with my anxiety. Whenever I get a panic attack or get anxious, I just clutch the necklace and close my eyes and think of my mom, her smile, her warm hugs and her whispering calming words to me and it helps all the time. That is why I never take the necklace off. It is a way for me to feel that my mom is with me and will always be with me.

This is the magic of these things. Sometimes people be with you but still do not manage to be with you mentally and sometimes people are not with you or are far from you but still have a huge impact on you. Hence, I always believe that it's not the presence of the person but the feeling of the person that matters!

I was thinking of all of this when a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. I immediately knew it was Manik and all the thoughts from my mind vanished, all I could feel was a sense of secureness. I closed my eyes and just stayed there, enjoying the moment. He dipped his head and kept it on my shoulder and placed a short and sweet kiss there.

"Why are you up so early?" He asked, voice muffled and yawned.

I chuckled, ruffled his hair and placed a kiss on his cheek. I turned around and looked at him, his expression got a little irritated because he could now not put his head on my shoulder. Before I could speak anything, he took me to the couch in the balcony and made me sit on his lap and kept his head on my shoulder.

"Hmm now continue." He said with a smile.

I smiled and said, "I guess it's the college starting today that did not let me sleep properly. I'm scared. What if I don't fit in there? What if I fail all my classes? What if no one likes me-"

"Wait, that's not true. I like you and so does Cabir." He interrupted with a smile, earning a eye roll from me.

"Apart from you two, you idiot. I'm a very anxious person so this nervousness comes naturally to me. I know I have you there but you won't be there with me the entire time, right? Okay, I sound very clingy right now-"