Guns And Fireflies

CHAPTER NINE

NANDINI'S POV

CHAPTER SONG:- 3:00 AM BY FINDING HOPE

ENJOY THE CHAPTER :)

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Everyone has this one point in their life when they think, what's the point in living this life? I don't know when it might have occurred to you but some time, due to some circumstances you must have thought, I should just give up. Sometime in your life you would have thought about suicide. I don't know what reason would have caused it. Maybe bad grades or parents' high expectations or relationship not working or peer pressure and so on.

These are just some of the petty examples that can be thought of by me. There could be a real big reason too. But then you never do it (which is good) because you can see your parents' face in your eyes. Even if you don't have a good relationship with them, you will always think about them before anyone else and it should be like that. So yeah their face comes in front of your eyes and you take a moment to think, is all this really worth it? Or what will happen to my parents when I am not around?

Well, that's about you guys. Even I have thought about ending my life may times after my parents died. People used to blame me for their death and somehow even I felt that I was the reason behind it. Amms tried to tell me otherwise a lot of times but I could never shake the thought out of my head. Initially, I used to cry a lot and just cry until all my tears were over for that day. But then when I grew older and knew things more at that time I started harming myself. I saw in in movies and all that people slit their wrist to feel I don't know what. So once even I thought to try it.

I went to a store and brought blades. Amms was not home at that time, which was good considering that if she would have been home and saw what I was doing, I would have died without the blades.  

All have their parents to think about when they think of killing them. But I didn't even have them to think of anyone. In fact, them dying was the reason why I was thinking about dying. I went to the bathroom and took out one of the blades and put it near my wrist. I was about to cut it deep but that's when I saw Amms face in front of my eyes. It stopped me. I thought about my decisions and re-evaluated it. That's when I realized that dying is never an option. I lived for Amms and I am still living for her only.

But that didn't stop me from cutting my wrist because I was just way too frustrated from my life to stop. After cutting it, it hurt for a while but then it was okay. It did brought relief. I was, I don't know maybe 16 when I started all this. Since that day, I have been doing it whenever I feel low or when someone has blamed me for something.

Day before yesterday, I was casually sitting in the balcony. As usual manik was not home. I was scrolling through the phone when one of my maternal uncle called. I was shocked because he never called after everything happened. I ignored it, initially but then he called again so against my will I had to pick up.

"Hi. Is this nandini?"

"Yeah, it's me, uncle. How are you?"

"I am fine bacha. The real question is how are you?"

"I am f-fine."

"Okay good. How's studies going?"

"It's fine I just entered the college."

"Okay."

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you call? Since everything has happened you never called. I wonder, what's the reason now."