Samsara (gxg) ❉

Chapter Eight

Sandara

I don't know why I did that.

I kept thinking about it all week. School was to start in a few days and I wanted to live on campus this time so I could bury my awkwardness in books 24/7. Plus, sage knows where I live.

Unfortunately, like every year I never save up enough to do so. So I'm just mentally preparing to go and leave every day, and waste my days in my room when I'm not at university.

I noticed something about myself after sage kissed me.

I went home.

And I stared in my lengthy mirror, wondering who I was. I would touch my face, in the same way she did, and just wonder. Did she feel the way that I felt? Breathless? Shocked?

Terrified?

Kissing Sage felt like death and rebirth of the seasons. She felt like the end of summer, and also the beginning of the most beautiful prettifying autumn.

It had been 5 days since then.

So I ran, I worked, I wrote in my journal. I did anything except for what I wanted.

I wanted desperately to take my phone and call her, and demand some reasoning for that kiss.

Instead I'd just stare at my IPhone until it rang. In the shower? I'd jump out. Sleeping? My eyes shot open. In the other room? Impossible, I never left it out of my sight.

What on earth did she do to me?

"Are you walking to school?" My aunt asked as I spread the jam on my toast.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

She gave me a concerning look, "Are you sure you're okay?" She asked.

I shrugged, "Yeah."

The truth was that I wasn't okay. I felt cold inside. I felt like I was hiding important information from myself. I couldn't even begin to understand why I felt the way that I did.

It want that she kissed me, and that was it. It was what lingered after she pulled away from it.

She wasn't who I thought she was. And I don't think I am who I think I am.

"I'm heading out now," I said. My aunt nodded and brushed some hair away from my face.

"Maluhia," She said softly while giving me a warm embrace. That was my nickname as a child apparently, and she always said it when saying goodbye. It was just a reminder for me to have a good day, or have peace.

Maluhia meant serenity.

I don't really know how that associates with me.

I grabbed my blue backpack and put my hand on my back door, bracing myself for the warm air.

I closed my eyes, and she was waiting for me on the other side of the door. "You are so beautiful."

No.

I took a breath and went through the door quickly. I kept my head down, and I walked off to the road to my university. It was blazing hot out, and I wanted to be comfortable yet professional. I always wore a dress on the first day of school, ever since I was a kid.

Today I wore a yellow one, plain and simple, with a Jean jacket on top and some sandals. School was intimidating, and I wasn't really looking forward to college at all this year.

Until I heard it.

"Can't stay away can you?" I felt like I was dreaming. I even blinked. Nope.

I could feel her around me. Like a fucking movie. I tried to my left, and there Sage was, getting a latte at one of the Starbucks stands right outside the entrance of the campus.

She was wearing shorts, and a tank top. I noticed the red tank top first because she had a flower tattoo stretching down her forearm, and some words on her left wrist. I don't know how I hadn't noticed before. Her hair was in a bun. It was cut, just at the bottom, a small slit that only I'd see if it were up. Her hair was up this time.

And I ate all of it up.

The curve of her neck, the small curls not long enough to stretch into her hair tie, the pieces of hair that dangled in front of her eyes. Her skin, her almond eyes. Her.

"Hello?" She asked, her smirk turning into confusion. She was holding up the line, and the line was starting at me now. I guess we both didn't hear the barista calling her name over and over and over.

"I-I-" I stopped talking when the barista loudly called out Sage's name catching both of our attention.

She turned. And I bolted l for the doors of the business building. It snapped me back to reality. Class. School. Go. Now.

I couldn't even look at her without sweating.

Let alone.

Kiss her?

"So beautiful," she whispered.

My heart felt like it had a butterfly flying around in it. Not in the cute way though, violently, rattling my bones and giving me irregular breathing to the brink of panic.

On that day, after seeing her just once, I decided to put her name at the very top of my list.

She made me feel the same way that the ocean did.